Heidi, Kate and Denise, 3 mothers, 3 spawn and no charisma

As we continue down the lane of mothers shamelessly showing off their daughters, we have two mothers dying to make their daughters Supermodels and one...I don't know what the hell the other wants except to make her daughter relevant. Gwyneth has shown off Apple, Jessica Simp, and her kid. I forget her name, and I don't care enough to look for it; Reece and Ava, and others who seem to have no clue how basic their kids are. Now, this trio has thrown their girls into the mix, and either these three mothers have cases of collective broken objective charisma gauges, or they are hoping we won't notice. We notice. Boy, have we noticed that they are pushing these potato children into the limelight with big ugly roundhouse kicks, flinging them without talent or accomplishments into the bright, unforgiving lights of fame.

Denise's daughter, Sami, plans on a soft porn career on Only Fans, and to boost revenue, Denise is threatening to join her. Her daughter's last name is Sheen, and her father is Charlie, so a career showing her ass and trying to seduce money from men's wallets isn't surprising. Allegedly, Denise began her career doing the same as one of Heidi Fleiss' girls in the late 80s and early 90s. Charlie Sheen alleged it, but he was just confirming what had whispered for years about her, so like mother-like daughter. I am completely sex-positive, so if someone wants to willingly do porn or hook without coercion, then go on and body slide into that cum crusted mountain of cash. 

Denise could never be accused of being the president of an intellectual think tank, so her full support tracks, but I think it has to do with what she wants to get out of it and less about Sami's future. Charlie isn't game because he knows he is an objectifier and exploiter of sex workers, and just like he jacked himself raw to them, plenty of men will be doing the same to his daughter. OnlyFans doesn't require a charismatic presence; just any old tits and ass will do, and that is not much of an accomplishment. It isn't a high bar to jump over, and maybe that's the point. Denise used her looks to get ahead; she allegedly used her body, so again, we have a like-mother-like-daughter situation. 

Next up is Kate's daughter, Lila, who is trying to be a model and has been at it for years with very little success. Kate Moss' early career had every girl under 5'8 believing they could be a model, not realizing she was an enormous exception because her face was so unique and she was "of that time". She fit the desire for heroin chic when being as thin as possible was the beauty ideal. I tried to lose 15 pounds to look like a starving gamine; I had a pixie cut, stopped eating, lost 20 pounds, and wore a size 00. I am almost 5'9, and I looked like a strung-out junkie prostitute. Decidedly, less chic, but I had nailed the heroin part. 

Lila is too short even for the waif years. Maybe she should hang around a stable and consider being a jockey because this child is no model, and when she tries, it is painful. When she models with her mother, you look at Kate, not Lila. She looks like she is just some stylist's intern who photo-bombed the frame. She is even too short for the sleazy Japanese or Chinese markets, so where does she fit? How many favors did Kate call in? All of them? Because her offspring gives me secondhand embarrassment. On the runway, the 21-year-old, ambling with woefully incongruent shoes that were made with an Amazon in mind, looks like a little kid playing dress up in her Mummy's closet. 

It must be said Lila is also connected on her father's side. Jefferson Hack is a media curator working with fashion brands and media outlets for LMVH-a huge powerhouse conglomerate of luxury fashion houses. 

I have seen Kate several times, once when I first moved to New York and several times after; she's not stunning, and her features are small and delicate but odd like a crushed English rose. Lila inherited nothing but the blandness, not the features, And hopefully, she isn't drunk or high like her mother was 90 percent of the time. Recently, I watched a Chloe show, and seeing all the models emerge was like a dark comedy because Lila wasn't in on the joke as tall, thin women with razor-sharp cheekbones strutted their asses off on the runway. They put her last, a coveted position, but they didn't do it because she was the best model in the show; they did it because she would have looked absurdly comical in the middle of the parade. I cringed so hard that I almost dislocated my spine and severely herniated several discs. 

Heidi's daughter Leni wants to be a lingerie model like her mutter, and the duo recently got in some hot water for their very bizarre, awkward lingerie shoot. What was weird about it was how odd they looked together and that Heidi looked like she was struggling against 20 years of Botox. I rooted for her like Béla Károlyi rooted for Kerrie Strug at the 1996 Olympics-You can do it, Heidi! The result is part woman, part Jack-o-lantern. 

Miss Klum looks 8 feet tall, and her daughter looks 14 years old with a boob job. AWK-WARD. Her height won't be such a detriment because lingerie models can be shorter, but this push is akin to moving the Alps 40 miles. Again, a model mommy wants their genes to take over and imbue the kid with their magic and power. Leni has been pushed all summer with play-for-pay sightings in the European tabloids in various bikinis on various boats with some guy who no one cares about. Leni was adopted by Seal, but her father is billionaire Flavio Briatore. Heidi bolted while she was pregnant, which says everything about that relationship. Leni, like Lila, looks like a Nepo model because, without wealthy, famous parents, no modeling agency in the world would have them on their books. 

I have said in the past that this is about the mothers and not the offspring, and their pride in their daughters is only a dimension of themselves. You wouldn't notice anything amiss on their own because they are just young women like you see in everyday life. The mothers don't see the flaws in their big plans; they just want to live vicariously through them. The ravages of trying to hang on and beat back time must be exhausting; for some mothers on their own, maybe the injections wouldn't look so harsh, but next to their charmless spawn, the span of time passed from their youth screeches like a banshee. In some ways, we are still interested in Heidi and Kate if not for being reminders of our younger years, for nostalgia's sake. We grew older with them, so it is no stretch that we like to study their photos to see how they have changed.  

Each of these mothers has found a way to insert themselves into their daughter's big chance at being a relevant celebrity. They want one more shot at being the girl with the world at their feet. I can understand. Most people have had moments they would love to experience again. It doesn't have to come from a place of desperation or lack of contentment presently; it can be moments of pleasure or happiness or just a feeling of being young, carefree, dancing til 5 AM, having men or women groveling for your attention, making 2 million dollars a year, and being the one everyone else wants to be. They want that for their daughters. It is not going to happen. Instead, it will still be all about the mothers.

(photos: Instagram, Getty. Steven Meisel, Daily Mail, British Vogue, Page Six)