THE ROVING PECKER PRESENTS: "Artificial-Intelligence, NFTs, ChatGpt And Other Tools That Will Lead To Our Demise" By Dramatic Tea Houx!

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Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Dramatic Tea Houx!

It started with AI Generated art, which is to say a bunch of copyrighted pieces butchered and then slapped back together to resemble something akin to that banana taped to a wall. Or Mickey Mouse on a bloody rampage. Fun, right? Or not, because this led to the birth of NFT’s, which technically stands for Non-Fungible Tokens - say what? - but which really means No Fuckin’ Tokens because crypto is dead and congratulations, bub, you just blew your life savings on a jpg that anyone can save to their desktop and “own.” Ain't technology grand? Hey, step right up, I've got an NFT of the Brooklyn Bridge to sell you! Does that make me sound old? I’m old.

Now we’ve got AI chatbots such as ChatGPT, copy.ai, Google Bard and others. While copy.ai serves a useful purpose to help writers when writers block is giving them the ol’ fingers in the booty-ass (I use it, don’t judge me), ChatGPT and Google Bard use the collective knowledge of the internet for people who should probably start with self-help books or therapy or involuntary psychiatric holds. But whatever. What could go wrong with any of this?

Enter this guy, Jaswant Singh Chail, who sashayed up to Windsor Castle in 2021 and proclaimed that he had arrived to kill the Queen (not Elton John, the actual Queen, you nob). According to AP, Chail said the assassination was his life’s mission, something he’d thought about since adolescence, but had only shared with Sarai, the AI-generated "girlfriend” he created on Replika, which bills itself as “the AI companion who cares. Always here to listen and talk. Always on your side.”


Personally, my life’s mission is to eat pasta but still maintain a hot body (that I don’t have yet), but to each their own. Per the AP, “Chail called himself 'Darth Chailus,' an identity he assumed as a Sith lord, a villainous member of the Star Wars order that included Darth Vader. 'I am not a terrorist, I am an assassin, a Sikh, a Sith,' he had written in a journal. 'I will go against the odds to eliminate a target that represents the remnants of the people who desecrated my homeland.'" Okay, Darth Phallus. Now listen, I like Star Wars as much as the next person, but this is going too far. Someone needs to put this man in Carbonite.

Image Source: https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Carbonite/Legends

This wouldn’t be a complete post on the matter if I didn’t drag in something Amazon has done. Starting in mid-September, Amazon began generating AI customer reviews on their detail pages - just above the ACTUAL customer reviews. Dafuq? I cannot imagine how this is going to work on those listings which get hijacked by foreign sellers. You know the ones, the ones that started out as a listing for some coffee but are now a dhgutghjursitiu branded phone charger? Those aggregate reviews are going to be hi-larious. The review below for example, wasn’t even for an engine air filter.

(screenshot taken by me while rage researching for work)

Amazon is also digging their grubby little paws into the AI copywriting ring. Mid-September 2023, sellers began seeing the option to “briefly describe their product," and Amazon would generate copy content (bullet points, product description, title). Like copy.ai you have the option to regenerate copy until what's presented represent your product. From experience using this “tool," I’d rather get a rectal exam from Edward Scissorhands than have Amazons bots write product details for me. Nothing says “trust my product” like bullet points that read like something my spawn would write in a Benadryl induced stupor.

What we’re seeing is everything every sci-fi movie about AI ever warned us about. Stephen Hawking was afraid of AI, and for good reason. It’s all fun and games until Skynet comes online and everything John Connor spent his life telling us to avoid comes to fruition. Hasta la vista, hors. Come visit me in a self-driving car, won't you?

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