(Subtitle: A Peckerwood Exposé on Wealth Without Taste, Compassion, or Limits) It’s a bizarre, jarring time to be an American. Rent eats up half your paycheck, groceries are now priced like luxury imports, and the most popular mental health tip is, "Have you tried drinking water and pretending everything is fine?" Meanwhile, the ultra-rich are toasting themselves with vintage champagne poured by endangered-animal-themed waitstaff on yachts larger than military destroyers. It’s not just that the wealthy have money. It’s that they wield it like toddlers with glitter glue and a God complex. Take Jeff Bezos, former humble bookseller turned space-obsessed baron of ostentation. His $500 million mega-yacht, Koru, floats through the Mediterranean with the self-importance of a new religion. A secondary support yacht tags along, naturally. It has a helipad, because what’s a floating palace without floating air traffic control? Inside? Glass-bottom pools, leathe...

   ► The circus of the year known as the Bozo & Silicon Sophia wedding took place over the weekend at Venice. There's a lot to laugh at the $56 million they reportedly spent to show that you can't buy class. It was a wedding Stefon from SNL would be proud of. The only thing missing were the midgets wearing traffic cones on their heads and a goat karaoke. Here's my book report.    Let's begin with the wedding invitation. I've seen better art work in a bathroom stall of a port-a-john. It's almost as if they went to Dollar General and bought a sheet of random stickers and threw them on as an after-thought when this mess was spat out by a printer low on ink. If you notice, the invite asks guests to make a donation to a listed Venice charity. Let's be real: donation = payoff. Bozo doesn't have a decent bone in his turtle body. SM had a few thoughts about the invitation:   Read More "Please tell me this isn’t real. It looks like clip art from windows ...

  ► During an appearance on the Kelly Mantle Show, comedian Margaret Cho disclosed that every time she appeared on The Ellen Show, the mean Keebler elf (Govt Name: Ellen DeGeneres) would act like they never met. What did Margaret expect? Ellen wasn't acting. Ellen is the new Leona Helmsley.

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Daniel C! When I first saw the chic elegance that is Lauren Sanchez, I was in awe. But what is it that I find so mesmerizing about this future Amazon glamazon? Am I just trying to make fetch happen? To me, Lauren possesses many qualities that I admire. I would not call myself extremely introverted, but I do not always need the spotlight on me. If I think about my closest friends, I can say that I am blessed to be close to some eccentric personalities who are okay with being obnoxious at times. I am naturally drawn to walking, talking telenovelas and when I learned that Lauren used to be an Emmy-winning news anchor and an accomplished helicopter pilot years, BB (before Bezos), I was intrigued.  I also find her very charismatic and could listen to her coarse voice blabbering drama for ages. Yeah, I've got time for that. You should meet ...

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Dramatic Tea Houx! It started with AI Generated art , which is to say a bunch of copyrighted pieces butchered and then slapped back together to resemble something akin to that banana taped to a wall . Or Mickey Mouse on a bloody rampage. Fun, right? Or not, because this led to the birth of NFT’s, which technically stands for Non-Fungible Tokens - say what? - but which really means No Fuckin’ Tokens because crypto is dead and congratulations, bub, you just blew your life savings on a jpg that anyone can save to their desktop and “own.” Ain't technology grand? Hey, step right up, I've got an NFT of the Brooklyn Bridge to sell you! Does that make me sound old? I’m old. Now we’ve got AI chatbots such as ChatGPT, copy.ai , Google Bard and others. While copy.ai serves a useful purpose to help writers when writers block is giving them th...

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Dramatic Tea Houx! In today’s edition of Bitch Got Caught: The FTC is suing Amazon! Everyhor we know shops on Amazon. When you need socks, but you can’t be bothered to run to Walmart or Target, you open your Amazon app and order yourself some socks. Because avoiding people, am I right? But there's a side of Amazon that the public doesn't really get to see, and that’s Third Party Sellers and Vendors who sell to Amazon wholesale. Most goods purchased on Amazon are supplied by Third Party Sellers or wholesale vendors. The FTCs allegations are that Amazon prevents sellers from offering discounts on their goods on other platforms, such as Walmart.com, Target.com and other lesser-known platforms. Rude! As someone who has been in the e-commerce industry for more than a decade, I say, “We done been knew.” It’s no secret in the industry th...

Alleged human person, Mark Zuckerberg - seen above sucking ground baby meat from an oversized pita pocket - wants everyone to know that he's ready to get down and dirty in order to wallop Elon Musk in a potential MMA fight. In fact, he boldly claims to be eating 4,000 calories a day. Supposedy that's a lot! This includes gobs of McDonalds take out, his last order, he says, consisting of "20 chicken McNuggets, a quarter pounder, large fries, an Oreo McFlurrry, apple pie (and) some side cheeseburgers for later." I don't know about you, but the use of "side" is thrilling me. "Side snacks?" Let's make this happen! Those three bags of Flamin' Hot Funyon chips I just scarfed down? Doesn't count. They were "side Funyons."    As for Musk - seen above giving a sloppy, no doubt toothy, blow job to a skewer of sausage spiropapa - no word yet on what he's eating, or even if he's truly willing to fight Zuckerberg. However, give...