Mark Zuckerberg Is Bulking Up On Fast Food To Fight Elon Musk!

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Alleged human person, Mark Zuckerberg - seen above sucking ground baby meat from an oversized pita pocket - wants everyone to know that he's ready to get down and dirty in order to wallop Elon Musk in a potential MMA fight. In fact, he boldly claims to be eating 4,000 calories a day. Supposedy that's a lot! This includes gobs of McDonalds take out, his last order, he says, consisting of "20 chicken McNuggets, a quarter pounder, large fries, an Oreo McFlurrry, apple pie (and) some side cheeseburgers for later." I don't know about you, but the use of "side" is thrilling me. "Side snacks?" Let's make this happen! Those three bags of Flamin' Hot Funyon chips I just scarfed down? Doesn't count. They were "side Funyons."  

As for Musk - seen above giving a sloppy, no doubt toothy, blow job to a skewer of sausage spiropapa - no word yet on what he's eating, or even if he's truly willing to fight Zuckerberg. However, given that he weights nearly 200 pounds, and Zuckerberg weighs 145, I'm guessing that he's just eating and "side snacking" (see what I did there?) as usual. If this fight does happen, Musk could well just belly slap Zuckerberg, knock him over, then pop a squat and sit on him - and it'll all be over. Satisfying? Not really. Still, Zuckerberg is training with a couple of UFC champions, so I suppose he's serious. 


Though I'm hoping against hope that this fight truly does occur - and, yes, I want blood and entrails, and maybe brain matter, or in Zuckerberg's case, Fembot nuts and bolts - I remain skeptical, even if it's what this timeline truly deserves. The only thing that could make it better is if Jeff Bezos joins in and bukkakes all over them, then something-something-gory followed by explosion-they-all-die. What? Can't I dream? Dana White (he's President of the UFC, whatever that is) keeps saying that both Zuckerberg and Musk are "really serious" about fighting, so for now, we'll have to take his word for it. Anyway, you must excuse me. I have two bags of Rolo caramel chocolates to devour, or, I'm off to "side Rolo." See? It works! And, no, I'm not training for anything. 

Photo Credits: Stable Diffusion, YouTube, Backgrid

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