(Subtitle: A Peckerwood Exposé on Wealth Without Taste, Compassion, or Limits) It’s a bizarre, jarring time to be an American. Rent eats up half your paycheck, groceries are now priced like luxury imports, and the most popular mental health tip is, "Have you tried drinking water and pretending everything is fine?" Meanwhile, the ultra-rich are toasting themselves with vintage champagne poured by endangered-animal-themed waitstaff on yachts larger than military destroyers. It’s not just that the wealthy have money. It’s that they wield it like toddlers with glitter glue and a God complex. Take Jeff Bezos, former humble bookseller turned space-obsessed baron of ostentation. His $500 million mega-yacht, Koru, floats through the Mediterranean with the self-importance of a new religion. A secondary support yacht tags along, naturally. It has a helipad, because what’s a floating palace without floating air traffic control? Inside? Glass-bottom pools, leathe...

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from SaucyKitty! What’s that saying? If it’s not medically approved for your purpose/needs, then don’t take it? Guess Sharon Osbourne wishes she knew that. Sharon, best known for staying with a batshit crazy rock and roller for aeons, formerly hosting The Talk, not to mention “starring” in a mediocre reality show (really, aren’t they all?) is now on a campaign to get people to stop using Ozempic for weight loss, particularly teenagers. Meanwhile, there is a global shortage of Ozempic. This means that people like FatherSaucyCat (aka my Dad) have to take other diabetes drugs that may not be as well matched to their needs. Dad, for example, is having massive stomach issues with his current diabetes drug. My take? If you are not obese and are just looking to drop 10-20 pounds, you should perhaps try other methods for weight loss. Some people actua...

Heather Dubrow, a Bravo "Housewife" who once declared that she "hates plus-size pride," and who's married to Terry Dubrow, a celebrity plastic surgeon, swears on stack of Splenda that she's never had plastic surgery. Ever-ever-ever. Botox? Of course. Sculptura acid-based filler injections? Often (especially when she gets, as she says, "too thin"). But that's where she draws the line, because she likes to keep things "really natural." She's also bravely extolling the virtues of Ozempic, a life-saving drug for diabetics that's now in short supply nationwide. But not for diabetes, silly, for weight loss.  She's also spitting mad that people are "shaming" her and her celebrity friends about using the drug to slim down, and boldly predicts, "It's going to be like Botox when it first came out. Ozempic is an incredibly positive thing. It just really kick started me into eating better. It makes you feel like cra...

  Source: Wired In today's episode of Rich White Girl Jonkler Vibes , we take a look at Wired's interview with Grimes  Claire Boucher  and shit on all the bullshit she shat forth as she's so often wont to do. So strap on your muck boots and get those masks back out of the closet, Peckerlings - there's a lot of mess to wade through here. In the interview, which will be featured in Wired's upcoming September issue, Claire talks a LOT about AI, robots, and the future - using lots of fancy smart people words like "sick": On the idea of fans creating music using her AI generated voice long after she's gone:  "Oh sick, I might get to live forever." If she had an opportunity to go back to any recording session ever:  "The Ninth, that'd be sick." On films she would be interested in doing: "A Midsummer Night's Dream update would be so sick." And on Jeff Bezos' plans to build a megastructure that has something to do wit...

Alleged human person, Mark Zuckerberg - seen above sucking ground baby meat from an oversized pita pocket - wants everyone to know that he's ready to get down and dirty in order to wallop Elon Musk in a potential MMA fight. In fact, he boldly claims to be eating 4,000 calories a day. Supposedy that's a lot! This includes gobs of McDonalds take out, his last order, he says, consisting of "20 chicken McNuggets, a quarter pounder, large fries, an Oreo McFlurrry, apple pie (and) some side cheeseburgers for later." I don't know about you, but the use of "side" is thrilling me. "Side snacks?" Let's make this happen! Those three bags of Flamin' Hot Funyon chips I just scarfed down? Doesn't count. They were "side Funyons."    As for Musk - seen above giving a sloppy, no doubt toothy, blow job to a skewer of sausage spiropapa - no word yet on what he's eating, or even if he's truly willing to fight Zuckerberg. However, give...

Hooray! Li'l Nazi X Kanye West recently had his account reinstated by Elon Musk on the platform formally known as Twitter (don't call it "X" yet, because Microsoft owns the trademark to "X") (next up, none of us will be able to form complete words because various letters of the alphabet will be  copyrighted) (I'   t  iddi g). Last we heard from this "misunderstood artist," he tweeted a picture of a swastika inside the Star of David. And before that, "defcon 3 on JEWISH PEOPLE," and, oh, yes, "White Lives Matter," which he emblazoned on one of his t-shirts. And - wait - he also appeared on the Alex Jones podcast and exclaimed, "I like Hitler!" Such a renegade, our Ye. But it was that kind of bold behavior which got him dumped shortly thereafter by Balenciaga, his  Hollywood agency CAA, then Adidas, leaving the later stuck with a reported 1.2 billion in unsold "Yeezy" shoes. Unfair? Not at all, because it ...

  By now you may have heard that Elon Musk has decided to rebrand Twitter by shooting the bird (literally and figuratively) and replace it with the an X.  Wow, was he inspired by the failed grade he's receiving in the court of public opinion for his mismanagement of the social media platform ?   The blue bird logo was synonymous with the platform and "tweets" entered the language lexicon. You'd think that protecting a company with global name recognition and loyal users would be #1 priority. Nope, not for Elon.    Linda Yaccarino, the recently appointed CEO of Twitter X said in a tweet Xplanation, "X will be powered by AI and will connect us in ways we're just beginning to imagine." This follows  Elon's desire to make the app the go-to for everything.  *insert eye roll* So, in other words, they want X to be the Swiss Army knife of the social media sphere. IMO, there's only one problem: Elon has managed to piss off  users, advertisers, shit on e...

  Elon and Mark make a lovely couple and belong together since they have so much in common: they worship money and power, have weird hair, fuck people over who help them with ideas: this could be the power couple of all power couples. What you didn't know is that these two crazy kids enjoy romantic walks on the beach, frolicking in the sea, and warm, tender embraces, so love was due to bloom. Look at them. Hands entwined, these two evil geniuses look happier than we have ever seen them, and they are now out of the closet and free to be.  Well, not quite. A hero-Sir Doge of the Coin(he's probably a creep, but for this purpose, he'll do)-turned tech against them and used AI to create these images, and even though they aren't real, they look like two Silicon Valley billionaires who found true love on Grindr.  That Elon's own irreverent Twitter user created these images made it all the funnier because Meta's Threads has been deemed a success and could take Twitter o...

Chitty Chitty Boom Splat! That's the flesh-ripping, skull-crunching sound you'll likely hear if flying cars ever come to pass. Because gravity, she is a mean girl. Just ask the Challenger astronauts! (what, too soon?) But that's not stopping Alef Aeronautics, an Elon Musk Space-X funded start up, which - incredibly - has just gotten approval for test flights from the FAA.  So let's see, we've got Elon Musk (who, when he bought Twitter, labeled himself "Chief Twit") (points for accuracy!) (and who's currently in a dick spat with Mark Zuckerberg ); we've got Alef, which is still so desperate for cash they're soliciting on their web site; and, oh, yes, did I mention gravity ? S o I ask the ubiquitous question: What could go wrong?  Alef boasts that its car is "environmentally friendly!" Really? Does it run on Elon's butt clappers? Because that ain't clean. And, sure, maybe I'm being a buzzkill, but just imagine the drunk driv...