OPEN POST: Female Frogs Fake Death to Avoid Unwanted Sexual Advances by Male Frogs (Who hasn't?)

Welcome to the difficult world of frog dating, where the females have taken the art of avoiding unwanted advances to a whole new level. You see, when a male frog gets a little too amorous, the female frog doesn't just say, "Not tonight, dear." or "fuck off, you skeeve." No, she goes all out and plays dead. Yes, you heard that right. She plays dead. This is like when your blind date shows up looking like Ron Jeremy's sleazier twin, and you don't wretch; you simply ask to be excused, and you climb out of the bathroom window (thank the universe for those) since you can't ease past him because the host/ess put you at a table with a view of the front door. You know how you do that? Surely, I am not the only one. Surely.

This nifty behavior, known as "tonic immobility," is usually an anti-predator tactic. But in the world of frogs, it's also a handy way to avoid an overly eager suitor. The female frog just lies there, stiff as a board, looking for all the world like she's kicked the bucket. She doesn't dare move. This is like when you invite someone back to your place, and they make an off-color joke full of slurs; you realize this person is horrible, so you yawn dramatically, act exhausted, and do your best to get the suddenly revolting person out of your apartment. I know we have all been there. If you could have collapsed and played dead and known this was an option, you would have done it. You, too, right?And the male frogs? Well, they're not exactly the sharpest tools in the shed. They see a female frog playing dead and think, "This is my chance!" They try their luck, but eventually, they have to admit defeat and move on. So this is like when you are in the club, and you turn your back on the guy who has been trying to catch your eye because you can tell he thinks he's the biggest stud there; you actively and aggressively ignore him, but he doesn't take the hint because he thinks he's irresistible and to your horror he makes his way over to you forcing you and your friends to sprint, in heels may I add out of the club and down the street like hellhounds are nipping at your ass. So inconvenient. Best practices call for risking a rolled ankle. Now, this I just know has happened to you before. But playing dead isn't the only trick these clever females have up their sleeves. They might also rotate their bodies or emit vocal calls to deter the males. And guess what? These tactics are especially successful for smaller females, who are more likely to escape from males attempting to mate. Okay, that would be like, say, you have a medium deep voice and did something so politically incorrect in the '90s, but it was the '90s, and told a guy you were in drag and are thrilled he couldn't tell even though no one would ever mistake you for a guy. It was amazing how fast a drunk ass can sober up and back away as you advance on him to turn the tables, making your voice deeper and deeper as he backs away, looking frantically for a way to get as far away from you as possible. Raise your hands, don't be shy, you can relate.So, there you have it. The fascinating, not-at-all-weird world of frog dating. It's a tough pond out there, but these female frogs have found a way to navigate it. So ladies, the frogs have given us a roadmap; I say they have the answers to ward off unwanted attention from thick-headed men who can't catch hints or clues. Play dead. Drop right there on the spot, and don't move until the coast is clear.