OPEN POST: I Can Haz a Murder?

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"Craps: I give none"

If you're like me, you probably took one look at this wrinkly pussy and thought to yourself, "Damn, that cat looks like it's thinking about tossing someone down a flight of stairs in an attempt to cause car crash-like injuries such as a broken neck, fractured spine, smashed ribs, and lungs full of blood", and you'd be right, because this bitch did just that!

UK man Chris Rowley told the Mirror his....um, tail...of terror (sorry not sorry) that occured on the evening of October 23rd. It all started when the little feline fuhrer, Morecambe, who was feeling "playful", jumped and latched on to one of Rowley's legs as he was coming down the stairs. This, of course, caused him to fall all the way to the bottom where he laid for a total of 14 hours in a pool of his own blood. "That'll teach you to leave the bottom of my food bowl visible, cunt!" thought Morecambe, probably. 

Eventually Rowley's wife discovered what happened after she returned home from her night shift as a children's care worker and called for help. He was hospitalized for two weeks, with doctors telling him it will likely be another six to twelve months before he's back on his feet. 

In the meantime, he still can't breath without oxygen. 

Morecambe, probably

Oh, did I forget to mention that Morecambe stamped on the man's chest all night after the fall? Whoops.

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