TODAY IN SPORTS: Tom Brady Is Supersad That He Steals The Spotlight From His Chirruns!

Tom Brady is keepin' it real, ya'll! The divorced, ball-deflating, former quarterback - who bravely forswears all nightshade vegetables and once compared playing sports for billions to being deployed in Iraq - is trying his darndest to be the bestest dad ever. But dad'ing is really hard, according to Tom, when you're the one and only Tom. As he told John Legend on some SiriusXM show this week, he feels for his kids when he goes to their school sporting events or simply goes on a pap innocent stroll with them, because everyone rushes forth and only wants to talk about Tom-Tom-Tom. "I don't want to take away from their moments," said Bestest Dad Tom, but being Tom, he adds, means he has to "deal with things different than other people." 

Tom, we get it. You're famous. Fame equals fame-whores. Yet I don't recall any previous former pro football dad whining about this. Is Rob "The Gronk" Gronkowski bitching about being a famous football dad? Or the Cromartie Cousins? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? And in between posing in pantyhose commercials and allowing pedophile coaches to molest little boys at his kiddie football camp, did Joe Namath complain about stealing his children's starlight? I don't think so. Please correct me if I'm wrong!

Which leads me to wonder, is Tom actually concerned about pulling attention away from his children, or is he afraid of embarrassing them? Because if it's the latter, I've got news for you Tom, that ship has sailed: 

Meanwhile, there's been no word from Tom's mannish handsome striking ex-wife, Gisele Bundchen, regarding Tom's deep thoughts about child-rearing. Oh, and just so we all know, the reason Tom has to have "people help us with things" - and by "things," I think he means his children - is so that he and the children don't have to deal with those desperate to be in his presence. Or perhaps he means that having "people" means that his children don't have to deal with him. Either way's a win for the children!

I suppose some industrious reporter could try to corner Giselle and get her thoughts on childcare, but since she's reportedly quite busy banging her children's (former?) (current?) jiu-jitsu instructor, I'd venture to guess that she isn't too concerned about embarrassing them, much less hogging the fame-whore oxygen. And just so we know, childbirth for Gisele "wasn't painful, not even one bit." And she really didn't gain much weight while pregnant because she didn't turn herself into a food "garbage disposal," as she insinuated most pregnant women do. So relatable, that Gisele!

Tom's and Gisele's children, and another from Tom's previous marriage hook-up relationship, haven't added anything to Tom's recent comments about them because they're kids, goddammit, and likely don't care what comes out of his mouth-hole. But like many celebrity spawn, they may well be taking notes for a "Mommie Dearest"-style tome. I'm looking forward to it, should they choose to write one, if only to hear the explanation for Tom's slip 'n' slide squealing adventure. Was he goosed just before? By whom? Or was he plugged with a nightshade vegetable? Which one? I'd guess an eggplant, but I'm a subtle type and that's much too obvious. 

Photo Credits: Getty Images, AP