OPEN POST: Giraffe Grabs Toddler Because Parents are Bonafide Idiots and A Peacock Eludes Keystone Cops.

Safari Parks are absurd at best to me, and I am being 100 percent judgy. Why would a giraffe want to live on some janky stretch of land in Texas to be ogled and irritated? If I were that giraffe, this would have had a different ending. I would have taken a bite of tender baby flesh and galloped away laughing wildly. Of course, my economy seat on the hell bus was secured a long time ago, so I can say shit like that. 

Also, there is a peacock on the loose in Saginaw, Michigan. The shenanigans that have happened trying to catch the elusive peacock are the stuff of comedies. Scaling trees, hot pursuit on foot, and that peacock laughs and laughs, and like a roadrunner, off it goes:

A student spotted the peacock on Monday while driving to Valley Lutheran High School in Saginaw County. Rachel Horton, the director of the Saginaw County Animal Care and Control Center, mentioned that the student attempted to bring the peacock to school and locate the owner, but the peacock managed to escape.

Animal control officers almost caught it on Tuesday morning, but it disappeared again, leaving them with scratches. Horton also mentioned that they must improve their tree-climbing skills for future capture attempts. The animal control center urgently needs financial support from the community to purchase a $150 animal capture net, a critical tool in their ongoing efforts to capture the peacock.

Horton recognized citizens' efforts to capture the bird, underscoring the community's shared responsibility in this situation.

The owner of the peacock remains a mystery.