Retro Trash Classic: 1992's "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me" by Ecce Homo!

By AK
Photo Credit: Mad Dog/October Films

What are your favorite retro-trash movies? In the 90s, after seeing "Blade Runner" for the first time, I fell in love with Sean Young and rented just about anything she appeared in from my local Blockbuster. My WORD, the crap I sat through. "Baby: Secret Of The Lost Legend," "The Boost," "A Kiss Before Dying" (where she made Razzie history by being the first actress to win both Worst Actress and Worst Supporting Actress for her roles as twin sisters), "Love Crimes," "Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde" (oh my gosh, it's so awful, and I actually saw it in the theater!). 

I kept looking for some spark of what I originally found in her, and I saw it in only a few ("No Way Out," "Ace Ventura," a very few others). But I'd read about some indie film she made called "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me" and some people said it was great, and some people said it was pornographic (it really isn't), but basically everyone agreed, love it or hate it, that it was at least...different. So when I saw it was on Tubi (free if you don't mind commercials) I was excited, and I'm happy to say, it's really cool, in its weird-ass way.

I'm not saying it's great (or even good) but this is one of the few times I've ever actually watched every single minute of a movie (if I'm watching something on TV I invariably get bored and start looking for something to read). But this was special.

Even an attempt at a synopsis is going to sound demented, but here goes: a handsome burglar thinks he's killed a deranged debutante named Twinkle and he goes undercover in an L.A. trailer park full of nutjobs. He fucks a porn star against his will, but then he gets to know her younger sister, who's sweet, maybe not too bright, but a genuinely kind person. Over the course of the insane plot they fall in love, and it's genuine, but the crazed heiress he thought he killed shows up and she's still obsessed with him and it all goes haywire.

Photo Credit: Mad Dog/October Films

The role of the porn star Sabra was played by an actual adult performer (she briefly entered the industry after getting fed up being a manager at some damn Denny's in the valley), and she's fucking hilarious. In this one role, she shows more talent, charisma and sexiness than Traci Lords, James Deen and Ron Jeremy or any other porn performers who've "gone legit" put together. She's a straight-up ASSHOLE and she owns it.

Photo Credit: Tex Brook/Mad Dog/October Films

I don't know much about Max Parrish has been in (though he was the face of a phenomenally successful Bacardi ad campaign as the Martini Man - with Charlize Theron! He's a delightfully dopey character who can't figure out why he's always in trouble.

Photo Credit: Bacardi/Casey Grady

My favorite character is Danni, the little sister. She's played by the late, great Adrienne Shelly, and she could have got it so wrong and just played a nitwit, but she knew better. At first she's sort of a pushover but she gets tougher and tougher without ever losing her essential kindness.

Photo Credit: BridgeImages/Mad Dog/October Films

Sean Young plays the demented debutante and whatever I think of her personally (appalling politics lately, malheureusement) I've always thought she was an uneven but inspired actress, much better at comedy than drama. My favorite performance of hers was (of course) Blade Runner, but a close runner-up is as the unhinged femme fatale in 1993's noir spoof "Fatal Instinct." This is a comic scene but somehow it still manages to be hot as hell. 

So the best summation I can give is: it's like 1989's "Earth Girls Are Easy" meets 1993's "True Romance," and honestly, I can't think of a better recommendation than that! You can watch it on Tubi. As a fellow connoisseur of fine movie trash, what are your favorites?

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