OPEN POST: The Earth Is Flat Says Flat Earther and Pancake Theorist.

In a world where gravity is real, water is wet, and the Earth is decidedly round, some folks insist on living in a flat world – literally. Enter Shelley Lewis, the poster child for the Flat Earth movement, where the only thing more curved than the Earth is her determination to prove it's flat, much to the amusement of everyone who’s ever looked at a globe. Shelley is like a contestant on a game show titled “Who Wants to Be Wrong?” but unfortunately, there are no prizes for her misguided efforts.

Her transformation from would-be astronaut to Flat Earth evangelist is a rollercoaster ride that defies physics. Once dreaming of soaring through the cosmos, she detoured into a conspiracy after a lengthy chat with a pilot friend who must have confused “what goes up must come down” with “what goes up never leaves the flat surface.” Now, she’s convinced the Earth resembles a giant, infinite pancake, complete with a syrupy dome overhead. 

By day, Shelley teaches science to kids, dancing precariously around the facts like a tiptoeing giraffe on a tightrope. She dutifully adheres to the textbook while probably whispering to herself that it’s all a grand conspiracy, like a math teacher who insists that 2 + 2 equals “whatever you feel like today.” One can only imagine her students' faces when they realize their science class is like watching a magic show – all illusions and no reality.

Shelley has made headlines for her epic battle against mask mandates during the COVID-19 pandemic, a quest that rivals Hercules in its absurdity. In a viral protest video that had viewers questioning their life choices, she stood outside Gelson's Market, maskless and chanting like a superhero, convinced she was turning the tides of public health. It’s as if invoking disability laws was her secret superpower, and the internet watched with popcorn, waiting for the next jaw-dropping episode.

When she’s not busy questioning the shape of the Earth or the necessity of masks, Shelley moonlights as a holistic health practitioner, certified lymphologist, vegan chef, and photographer. She’s essentially a one-woman Renaissance fair, but rather than painting masterpieces, she’s concocting bizarre vegan recipes that might make you think twice about ever eating a salad again. It’s a culinary adventure with a side of confusion.

Shelley has co-directed and co-produced documentaries that are glorified versions of her dinner table discussions – you know, the ones where friends sit idle, nodding politely while wondering how to escape. Her magnum opus, “The Plane Truth: Behind What Curve?” is a must-watch for anyone seeking a laughter-induced six-pack or a reason to facepalm so hard they leave an imprint on the wall. Her work exemplifies the astounding tenacity of belief, no matter how detached it may be from reality.

With her antics, Shelley has carved out a particular niche in the hearts of many—right next to the “mute” button on social media. While she claims people are increasingly questioning established scientific theories, the rest of us wonder if she’s ever peered out of an airplane window or if her concept of “flight” involves a pancake-like journey through the atmosphere.

Photo Credit: Shelley Lewis