EVENING NIGHTCAP: Third Time A Charm For Mel B? Partial DWTS New Cast (and my humble dream).

 

► Over the weekend, Mel B (51) of the Spice Girls sashayed down the aisle to marry husband #3, hairstylist Rory McPhee (37). IMO, Rory looks like David Spade with dark hair. Her bridesmaids were her 3 grown kids - well, 2 of them are grown adults and one is 13. The future ex-husband #4 wore a kilt from the costume dept of Braveheart. Mel opted for a dress from the Stridex Acne Collection. The only member of the Spice Girls who attended was Emma Bunton (Baby Spice). I guess she had nothing better to do. In case you forgot (like I did), Mel B was kicked out of the group last year for spilling secrets about them. I have no idea what those secrets were. Probably that Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice) never sang and lip synced her way to fame; or that Gerri Halwell (Ginger Spice) is not a natural redhead. Who the heck knows...or cares. The Spice Girls are about as relevant these days as Quiznos Subs.  Read More 

Rory McPhee and Mel B. Photo: Max Mumby/Indigo; Getty Images/ The Cut

Comment: IMO, it's silly that she's wearing white. I know...it's traditional wedding dress color. But let's get real: it looks ridiculous on someone with multiple failed relationships at her age. BTW, I'm looking at YOU JLo and Dirty Sanchez. What's wrong with wearing any other color but white? I'll probably get shitted for that opinion, but that's my 2-cents. I remember when King Chuckles married his mare, Queen Camilla. She wore a gray frock with a straw bail on her head. It was age appropriate since they were on marriage #2 and card carrying members of AARP. 

 

 

► Dancing With the Has-Beens (Govt Name: DWTS) announced some of the has-beens and never-were who will strap on their cha-cha heels for season 34 which is just around the corner.  It will be a conga line of influencers and reality tv celebs clamoring to win a mirror ball trophy that will fetch $5.00 at a garage sale. Based on the cast below, the only cast requirement the new season is to be some shade of Caucasian and blonde. Producers of the show shared a part of the line up: 

• Jen Affleck: Secret Lives of Moron Wives (typo stays). No relation to Ben Affleck
• Whitney Leavitt: Secret Lives of Moron Wives (again, typo stays)
• Robert Irwin: son of the late Steve Irwin (Crocodile Hunter). Cue Elton John's "Crocodile Rock". 
• Alix Earle: Tik Tok influencer 

The rest of the "who the hell are they" cast will be revealed in the upcoming weeks. BTW, I thought dancing was against the Mormon religion, along with booze. I'm too lazy to Google it. Maybe I'm confusing it with whatever religion was anti-dancing in "Footloose".  Read More 
 

L to R: Jen Affleck, Whitney Leavitt, Robert Irwin, and Alix Earle. Photo: Cosmopolitan.com

Comment:  Except for the Irwin kid, I have no idea who these people are, and I want to keep it that way. Ignorance is bliss.That Irwin kid should audition as a dancer for Chippendale or Thunder From Down Under.  If DWTS wants me to watch they need to scrap their script and bring back Soul Train. I loved watching Soul Train as a little tater tot. I still remember dancing in front of the TV and showing off my sweet moves to my dog while my toys cheered me on. I used to dream that someday I would be on it and make proud the vanilla delegation. Gawd, I loved that show! The musical acts were fan-funkin-tastic.