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OPEN POST: Who is Your "Hear Me Out" Crush?

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Recently there was online trend of naming your "hear me out" crush: a fictional character who for some ungodly reason you find irresistible. And they needn't be 3D, you can also have a crush on a cartoon! Some of my "hear me outs" include Uncle Junior from The Sopranos , along with Riff Raff from The Rocky Horror Picture Show . I can't explain it but they're both like cat nip to me. This is SAFE SPACE, Peckers! So please don't be shy and share your most unhinged fictional crushes in the comments.
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Open Post: With The Delicious Elvis Special!

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Elvis is in the building - and he's making a sandwich! I made it, too (and ate it) so you don't have to (though you might want to). The first rule of any culinary masterpiece is that the end product is only as good as its individual ingredients. That's why I started with Wonder Bread, because fine dining is never about health, it's about the flavor (or, to paraphrase one Betty Perske, the deep-brewed flay-vuh!). Take 2 slices of Wonder Bread, spread them both with thick smears of Jif (for my taste, a typical PBJ should utilize about a quarter of a jar) and add sliced banana to one piece: Then add some crisp, possibly-purloined bacon to the other slice: Then smash one slice against the other and inhale deeply. Not gonna lie, this was fan-friggin'-TASTIC! I made two and enjoyed the hell out of them. Some versions of the Elvis Special call for the sandwich to be grilled, but that just sounds unhealthy to me.  And (lest you think the bacon/peanut butter combo is unprec...
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