OPEN POST: The Sunday Roast featuring The Not-So-Great Pumpkin

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Vincent Price threatens a roast with a sword and knife, grinning
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Enjoying October, possums? Where I live in the city the colours have only just started, but out in the country where I'm staying this week every tree is a riot of warm-toned brilliance, yellow to crimson and a few lime greens thrown in. And just as the fashions traditionally feature these colours (plus purple, for some godforsaken reason, every goddamn Fall), the local fairs traditionally feature a size queeny competition for the largest pumpkin. 

Well, this year in Ontario we are all losers, because the biggest pumpkin didn't win because RULES. Honestly, what person with a functioning soul would discriminate against an innocent gourd like that. So it had a "soft spot." So what? Take a close look.

 

Two giant pumpkins on pallets
Jeff Warner

Giant Pumpkin hole
Jeff Warner

If a pumpkin of proper age wants to get its freak on (with an FBI agent, perhaps) who are we, or the judges, to judge?

 

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