THE ROVING PECKER PRESENTS: "Even More Scribbles From The Manor's Pecker Pets" by D'Hermitage!

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Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from D'Hermitage!

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They're here again. The Pets of Peckerwood Manor have long kept supersecret diaries. But lucky for you, I stole even more pages from a few and can now share their hush-hush scribbles:

Scout And His Portrait

I AM SO EXCITED! Plastic Botox Face and I are going to art school! I’m going to get my portrait painted. As I will only trust the styling of THE dutch masters for my headshot, I have narrowed down the pose choices to two. I’m always told how effortlessly chic I look, but really, it just means that those observing don’t make the effort. There is no shame in EFFORT. It is deliberate and well thought out! But also, shout out to my DNA as one should not forget thy nepo-roots! Soooo the choices are:

Jan Van Eyck: 

Or Rembrandt: 

Masters of their craft, dear diary - and so am I!

The name of the cat residing with Cliquot from Puerto Rico is on a need-to-know basis and withheld for your protection


My can-opener thinks he’s v. funny. All the lines visible in this picture, and guess what? He doesn’t have a clue what to do with them: e.g. do not cross. He obviously has boundary issues and dared to mention ‘RENT’ to me. Que? I am secretly amused at his stab at a joke, because see the space where my hind leg luxuriates? That’s a space he won’t enjoy for awhile, as in the bed. Let’s see how he likes sleeping on the dark hardwood floors behind me. 

I'd like to see him try another joke. He might fancy standing against the wall next time. It has vertical lines, which he can contemplate while he comes up with a few more prison names for himself while he sings, “I will always love you” to me from a distance. Aiii! Mi pequeño! I also call him that because he has such a small...moustache. Meow.

The Cats of Ice Bear

The other night our hooman said we are going to see some fashion. We thought that’s nice because we have not seen true elegance since socializing with our ol' pal Bastet of Egypt, as the desert is just too hot for a visit right now - and our hooman would melt! Turns out we were going to watch what is called "The VMAs." It’s supposed to be fashuun, but all we saw was…well, actually, we don’t know what we saw, but it was a desert alright, a desert of sophistication. Arid, I say, AAAArid of class. Hissssss! 

So we decided to wash clothes instead. Honestly, our laundry basket had more fashion and sophistication. Also, we thought our eyes could use some extra rinse cycle after the exposure.

Obi and Rei Ordering Treats with The Tenth Doctor


Recently, we drove to get our treat of…(we do not want to say it!) Puppuccino. This is not on the menu, it is one of those “you-know-if-you-know” things, so we like it even more. Obi especially likes to go there because they ask us so many questions and we invent all the answers! 

Then we tell them: We are LACTOSE INTOLERANT. Our blessed faces are featured above, caught on camera when they gave us a tiny cup of cream anyway. We are not amused, obvs. Our hairs practically went up! Are we a joke to you people? Sprinting because of lactose ages us, you monster! We needed to be restrained to NOT maul a face. 

Photos Courtesy: Plastic Botox Face, Clicquot from Puerto Rico, Ice Bear, The Tenth Doctor

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