Peckerwood Manor

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than a crumbling wine cork between an overflowing Dumpster and a leased Chevy Trax behind an off-ramp 7-11, so they need all the moisture they can get. First, we have perpetual thirsty gal, Gwyneth Paltrow , who's an expert at gaining attention, what with her vagina-scented candles (did she ever say whose vagina it smelled like? Was it  Oprah's vagina? Justin Timberlake's ?  That Damn Judi Dench's ?). Then there's her instructions on how to yawn properly (yes, she insists, you're doing it wrong; I'm assuming it's all about opening wide-wide-wide, like giving a blowie to The Hammaconda ); how to speak kind words to water before drinking it (to encourage it's "good molecular structure") (huh?); and how to pump oxygen with a catheter up your b-hole, followed by a deep, spiritually-uplifting coffee enema (the latte

Fancy some sliced cow scrotum? Don't get me started on how bologna is made or what goes into it, just know that I can't recall the last time I ate it - and I'd like to keep it that way. As a wee kidlet, sandwiches with two slices of bologna, one slice of Kraft American cheese and a slathering of French's yellow mustard (on Wonder bread)  (of course!) were a lunchtime treat at the Bree Daniels household, each one lovingly prepared by Mama Daniels with a Misty Lights ciggie dangling from her lower lip. This was just before her and Papa Daniels gave up the coffin nails for jogging - relentlessly; morning and evening! - since everyone on earth took up jogging at the time, including President Carter. They even bought " The Complete Book Of Running ," by Jamie F. Fixx. Never mind that Fixx died of a heart attack at age 52 on one of his runs. Can we blame it on the bologna? Even if you don't eat bologna, many things are "full of bologna," or "a bun

  I apologize to Whamo in advance. J'adore, but je don't j'adore Goop. In her latest trolling interview , Gwyneth tries to come off as just an everyday woman. Stop laughing. She's a salt of the earth, a modest woman, and an Oscar Winner! She works relentlessly for world peace and saves animals in between modeling and being better than the plebes. She is the common man's princess of giving of self and is not materialistic at all. Not our girl. No way. I will give her this, though: the woman is an Olympian when it comes to pivoting. She flips the script when she wants to. Why would she want to, you ask? I am here to answer: it is because she has a cheaper line of beauty items from her new venture called Good.clean.goop that she is flogging to the lower orders. So now we get humble Goop, down-to-earth Goop, your bestie, and relatable Goop. But at one point, when she says she isn't attracted to very wealthy men, her mask slips, and Strawbitch rears her entitled head

Source: gwynethpaltrow/Instagram Broth connoisseur and sentient kindling Gwyneth Paltrow took some time with her head out of her 20-year-old stripper's ass this week to embark on a lavish vacation with her family in Italy, and aren't we lucky she shared the photos to prove it! I know we're all super busy mainlining cheez whiz and canned soup right now, but please! There's tatas involved so I need your full attention!