Huzzah! It's National Bologna Day! The Meat, Of Course, Plus Other Things That Qualify!

Fancy some sliced cow scrotum? Don't get me started on how bologna is made or what goes into it, just know that I can't recall the last time I ate it - and I'd like to keep it that way. As a wee kidlet, sandwiches with two slices of bologna, one slice of Kraft American cheese and a slathering of French's yellow mustard (on Wonder bread) (of course!) were a lunchtime treat at the Bree Daniels household, each one lovingly prepared by Mama Daniels with a Misty Lights ciggie dangling from her lower lip. This was just before her and Papa Daniels gave up the coffin nails for jogging - relentlessly; morning and evening! - since everyone on earth took up jogging at the time, including President Carter. They even bought "The Complete Book Of Running," by Jamie F. Fixx. Never mind that Fixx died of a heart attack at age 52 on one of his runs. Can we blame it on the bologna?

Even if you don't eat bologna, many things are "full of bologna," or "a bunch of bologna," phrases that mean the same thing, whether you spell it with "bologna" or "baloney," though the former is used mainly for the meat, the latter for someone or something that's full of BS. Many things these days qualify. Jada Pinkett-Smith is full of baloney, and so are JK Rowling and Gwyneth Paltrow. Some things are just that obvious.

We usually steer clear of politics at Peckerwood Manor - because honestly, you can be tortured with that elsewhere - but on this hallowed National Bologna Day, I think you'll agree that it's fitting to say that the Republicans attempts to find a speaker is a bunch of baloney, though admittedly, that may be a bit too benign (in this specific case, the more coarse "a bunch of bullshit" is more appropriate). However, anything George Santos says is definitely a bunch of baloney, and, yes, add Oprah and Mitt Romney to that list, too. The next time you think of any Republican, just remind yourself that they're baloney, and this is how they are made: 

In addition to cow scrotum, Republicans are created with stringy meat ligaments, pulverized livers and hearts, globs of fat and crushed cow and pig ears and hooves. After this, everything is mixed into a gelatinous goo, sprayed with multiple chemicals, allowed to harden, thinly sliced, then - voila! - you have Lauren Boebert reaching for a handy at a third-rate, bus-and-truck Broadway touring show. Now you know why I will never eat bologna again. 

Yes, I forgive Mama and Papa Daniels for serving me and my siblings bologna back in the day, since just about everyone was riding the processed food train back in the late 70s. For my parents, when they weren't slaving over spanakopita or moussaka or scores of other homemade Greek specialties, bologna and Stouffers and Hamburger Helper were so convenient! Plus, on this National Bologna Day - a day when I dare you to make this (and eat it, too) - even I have to admit that back in the day, the bologna pushers on Madison Avenue really knew how to push the cute button: