Peckerwood Manor

Honk-honk! It's Monday, yes, but as most of you know, this needn't be cause for concern, as our Monday Mayhem Manor Parade™ is right now marching throughout the estate and outlying township, bringing joy to all who behold it.  Feeling blue? Come outside or gaze out your window. Who can resist the sight of marching fowl, pandas, chickens, and, of course, a smattering of Bendy Boyz™? Life beyond our hamlet may be troubled, but here? Relief and giggles. Fred says it best:  Meanwhile, Mr. Tristin Spratt, your devoted Peckerwood MajorDomo, would like to thank all who attended Peckerwood's first "Klassy Manor Movie Night" last Saturday eve, hosted by our very own Raincoaster! It was a rousing success, though the Manor crew had much popcorn and detritus to clean up, along with the scrubbing-up of suspicious fluids and goo in the back row of the second balcony.   Would you like to host a "Klassy Manor Movie Night?" Do email us to set it up. Here are a few things...

As most of you know, Twyla the Turtle is an esteemed resident at Peckerwood Manor, known for her ribald conversations and delicious Atlanta Sours, which she makes with her own corn whisky from her own personal distillery. She's also just opened a sure-to-be-famous turtle spa, and while only Twyla and Tequila partake of its splendors at the moment, word has begun spreading. Turtles from parts near and far, we've heard, have already started their (very) slow trek toward our parts to enjoy its hot springs, massages, and reviving, minty scrub downs (as demonstrated by Miss Twyla above).  In practical terms, this means that by this time next year - or maybe after, as they're quite leisurely in their travel - we'll all have to be on the look-out, whether we be moving around on foot, bicycle or car. No one wants to hear a crunchy splat beneath their feet or tires, so do be alert to any wee, journeying creatures.  Also, today's lunch specials at the Peckerwood Cafeteria in...

Move to this! Today, from 12:30pm till the cock crows on Monday, Peckerwood's Splooge Lounge will be holding its annual "Booty Do Your Duty!" dance party with our very own DJ Pink Button. Don't worry if you're rhythmically dyslexic. There's plenty of complimentary hooch, booger sugar and molly to be had, along with a large, dark-as-night backroom for shenanigans 'n such. Also, a warning: please do not step through the Splooge Lounge Looking Glass unless you expressly want to enter another dimension. Kindly see your Manor major domo, Mr. Tristan Spratt, for tickets.

Be advised, patrons are required to don formal festive wear at the Manor's Ladysnake Cafe, so please dress to impress ( and later undress, as the case may be). As always, contact Mr. Tristan Spratt, your Peckerwood major duomo, to reserve a table. This evening's specials include  Prosciutto-Wrapped Pork Tenderloin with Crispy Sage, Tarragon Chickpea Salad with Riced Broccolini and Cauliflower, and Raspberry Crème Fraîche Tart with Lavender Honey. 

We've all been there. You've had a long and stressful day, or maybe you're feeling down in the dumpity-do. That's how Bob The Baby Donkey has been feeling lately. Luckily, Peckerwood Manor is a place of kindness (on occasion), which is how Bob found himself cradled in the arms of Enzo, the Manor's esteemed Hug-Meister™. As you know, Enzo's always ready to give warm and restorative hugs to those in need.  Do you need a hug from Enzo The Hug-Meister™? Please see Mr. Tristan Spratt, your major domo, for scheduling. 

If you're experiencing a little brain fog this morning, then you probably attended Peckerwood's Annual 420 Fiesta last night, held every year on 4/20, though this year was extra-super-special, because it was 4/20/2024 - which is the same forwards and backwards. Whoa! This year, resident Cecil Singletree caused quite the commotion when his dress came off, revealing only his undergarments - and when those came off, well, let's just say that Cecil really was the straw that stirred the drink! The party began while the sun was still out - at 4:20pm, naturally - in the Manor's great room, but of course it soon spread throughout the manse and on to its lavish grounds outside.  Some partygoers became confused, making calls on old-fashioned phones that, as you know, are merely for show. Did anyone stop them? Of course not! Still others demonstrated their admirable #skillz. And, yes, Cook provided a bevy of munchies, including delicately THC-infused duck and chicken tamales, and ...

Has your spring sprung? At the Manor, it's always a sunny, breezy 78 degrees, which is just how Foxy Roxy, Peckerwood's giggliest omnivorous mammal, likes it. But word has it that things are a bit diffy outside our grounds. In some areas, we hear, there's icy rain, tornadoes, earthquakes, even snow, which is so not fun.  How is it in your neck of the woods? Seasonable? Shivery? Something worse? All of which leads me to remind you that life outside the Manor has its challenges, so do return at your earliest convenience. Also, and as most of you already know, we do have a special Wintertime Land™ - for those so inclined toward skiing or making snowmen - which is accessible 24/7 by stepping through the large Cheval mirror in the West Wing sunroom. Please consult with Mr. Tristan Spratt, you refined majordomo, if you have any questions. 

Did you know? "The Trudyville Triplets" are performing all month long at the Manor's Joystick Cabaret. They sing, they dance, and they chitchat, too (with their adorable Southern accents). They even gab about their idyllic childhood on the family farm in Oklahoma, where their parents gave each of them a "T" forename, of course, but also a distinct middle name; ergo Tammy Corn, Tanya Barley and Tiffany Wheat. In town, everyone knew who mama was calling for when she cried out, "Baaaarleeeeee!"  It wasn't long before they were discovered street side at age 16, swingin' and yodelin' to "Redneck Woman" and "Beautiful Mess" in their matching plaid shirts and hot pants. Now don't you go thinking for one moment that stardom has gone to their heads. No sireee! When daddy visits the Manor and calls out, "Coooooooorn," she still still comes running. And all three are still devoted to their blessed mama.  We're tic...

Peckerwood Manor has a complicated history with the popo. Jealous townsfolk sometimes report all kinds of illicit tomfoolery on our grounds, which brings the cops right to our doorstep. Merde! They've never found anything unlawful going on - so far! - just giggles, dancing, elaborate cuisine and a bit of cake baking (if'n you get my drift). It's a minor annoyance to most, but a major one for notorious Manor resident, Crabapple Chloe, the crankiest gal in all of Peckerwood. Lately, she's taken to riding her motor scooter and squirting local police with mustard, which is not only rude, but a terrible waste of a perfectly innocent condiment, according to Cook. This can't continue. Should you next see her riding her scooter near the police, please cry out, "Knock it off, Crabapple Chloe!" or "I've got your number, hussy!" or "Watch it, hor! No Bendy Boyz™ for you tonight!" After which you should immediately report the matter to Mr. Tri...