WHO'S THIS WEEK'S THIRSTIEST HO? Is It Matthew Perry's (Almost) Girlfriend? Or Woody Allen? Or Nike's Pube Alert?
Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than OJ's crusty prostrate, so they need all the moisture they can get. First up, let's talk about Matthew Perry, who's still dead, by the way, and still making headlines, which relatively young, famed, has-been drug addicts from your fledgling years are wont to do upon their demise. When Matthew kicked it, a large chunk of Gen X felt their mortality and obsessively played and re-played the "Friends" episode where he delivers the laugh line, "I guess I'll be the one who dies first!" It was hilarious at the time. Oh, so long ago. Misty, watercolored memories. If you're a little younger, he's that guy on that show without cellphones that you binged repeatedly on Netflix, playing it in the background while you texted and played Pokemon Unite, until it was yanked and put on Max which you refuse to subscribe to but wat...