Anatomy of A Celebrity Divorce: Ariana and Dalton Edition

 

This past Sunday, Ariana Grande was photographed at Wimbledon with Jonathan Bailey looking like she was having a fantastic time without a care in the world, but a look closer showed she wasn't wearing her hundred thousand dollar wedding ring and made damn sure we saw her naked finger; celebrity-speak for it's over. They know what they are doing when they do this. Her fans tried to make it seem like she and Bailey were a hot new item, and they were getting cozy, but the man is openly ghey, so nice try. Yes, Anthony Bridgerton is ghey ghey ghey; accept that your dreams about him banging the life out of your vagine will never come true. However, it is more believable that he and Andrew Garfield are the real story, and she's their cover. Wait, I am really warming up to this idea; gods of gossip give us a gift, throw us poor souls a bone, and please let this be true. Just as I am picturing Jonathan and Andrew walking hand in hand, picking out bedding for their chic little pied de terre in London, I see something in the photo I had not noticed before there is Tom Hiddleston in the row in front. My imagination ignites, and I forget about my primary subjects momentarily. The possibilities are endless; frankly, if this thing doesn't heat up, I will use all my brainpower and wish this shit into reality.

The next day, Monday, it was the usual celebrity statement-Ariana Grande and her husband, Dalton Gomez, are splitting and plan to remain friends—the two blah blah blah yawn. The standard assertion is they still speak all the time and have respect for each other and blah blah blah bore. On the one hand, sources claim that the relationship worked during the lockdown, but afterward, it fell apart as restrictions began to lift and her career revved up again. They also claim that Dalton couldn't handle the fame and was surprised by the circus that came with marrying a famous woman. Sources continue to say they have been split since around January, right after she left LA to go to London to film Wicked. That was what they were saying in the beginning. Blah, Blah, Blah. 

Let us rewind for a moment. When Ariana and Dalton got together, her team described him as a real estate mogul whose roster included the very rich and very famous and that he was worth millions and purchased her ring with his money. Her people put on a PR push to make Mr. Gomez worthy, and doggonit, he was a proper catch, and they were in love. The groom is from the LA area, and there are photos of him before they met, hanging out with celebrities. 

The fact that he was pals with Miley Cyrus was a red flag, Ariana. (This woman has the weirdest taste in men, Pete Davidson, Mac Miller, Big Sean, and this guy?) And they said they had been socializing in the same circles—same old template, different couple. It isn't official until it is IG official, and they followed each other! Photos of them posing in love were all over their IGs. They have since unfollowed each other because it isn't over until it is IG over.

Let us be honest here; we are supposed to believe this bitch was shocked, SHOCKED that Ariana is as famous as she is. She hired him as her real estate agent, and he sold her the house in Montecito in 2019. Still, he didn't notice that her big hulking bodyguard followed them on dates. Anyone who has spent time in LA knows these assertions of shock are implausible. That town has always been full of graspers whose sole dream is to be famous or be next to those who are. Mr. Gomez could have sold homes in San Bernadino Valley(where he is from), but he chose to sell to A-list celebrities, and to get there, he has to have an absurd amount of ambition and be a slick salesman. Now, I can buy that it is hard at times, but I am not buying that he was surprised by the level of her fame. 

What's going on? Hard to say. After her staged photos on Sunday, her team blanketed the media with the blah blah blahs on Monday. An outlier source said her ex had been on the dating scene since the beginning of 2023 on Tuesday. Later on Tuesday, there is an admission that their problems started before she left for Wicked. On Wednesday, he is now supposed to be devastated and wants to rekindle things with her, but at the same time, he is seeing other people. Another insider claims their relationship was always rocky, and the pair had endured several rough patches in the past two years. Another finalizes it by saying they are heading for divorce. No more are they separating by Thursday "sources" are speaking the D word. Now Ariana is liking IG comments insinuating she's scared of him. Hmmm.

By next week, if he plays his cards right, he will have an agent, a spot on Dancing With Stars, and the paps on speed dial. Dalton will also have a high-powered attorney representing him, and if he does, then we know this blah blah blah is a stink bomb. I want Dalton to get greedy and try to break the prenup to get some unearned monthly stipend for spousal support. Come on, Real Estate Federline (he isn't a Federline, but I liked the nickname, so it stays), you know you have it in you. Please think of the trauma her fame put you through; you will need a decade of therapy to heal from it. Time to grow that beard and look forlorn as you walk to your car, looking like a sad sack shlub with no hope and in the throes of despair. 

Will her team villainize him if he goes this route? If a story comes out, he's been seeing some prettier younger ingenue, and if photos come out, you better bet they will. The truth will get buried under a mountain of sources, but somewhere in there is the real story, and I am beginning to think he is the one who wanted out, not because of her fame but for some other reason we may never know.

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