Joe Manjello Is Back On The Ho Stroll!

Ka-boom! The sound of a million panty pudding explosions were heard across the nation earlier today, because Joe Manganiello announced that he's getting a wifependectomy. Line up, ladies, this one's fyne. Let's review, shall we? He's rich, 46 years-old, towering at 6'5", has no chirruns, ancestry that includes includes Sicilian, Croatian, Armenian and African heritage, plus he lists reading as his favorite hobby, and he's known to be a superb knife thrower. "Hey, Joe, thrust that big ol' tool this way!" says you and a thousand Hot Pocket Hussies.  

I know what you're thinking. "He's probably dumb as dust. I don't wanna marry that swole fool." Oh, honey. You don't marry that swole fool, you bang it and bolt, or for fun, put him in regular rotation. Call this one The Anti-Cuddle. Hasn't anybody seen "Crossing Delancey?" As for the divorce, Joe and his former ball-and-chain released the usual "Respect our privacy at this time!" P.R. flack-approved statement, which is really starting to work my last nerve lately. First Ricky and his piece have a drama-free divorce, and now Joe and his house babe? No one's cheated, yet I feel cheated. 

Joe's last movie was "Magic Mike's Last Dance, and given the messy SAG strike, he's got time on his hands to get messy with you. What? It could happen. First, clear a path to your bed in your apartment, you slob, then sashay into your nearest Knife and Archery Sports Center, bump into Joe and ask to see his boning knife. Add, "It's longer than I thought it would be" if deemed necessary (it won't be), and for God's sakes, he's an actor, so no conversation. If you ask him about his "craft," he just might answer.