How I long for the bygone days of couch-jumping and maniacal laughter. No, for reals. Ever since the writers and actors went on strike, all of your favorite celebs are no longer on the promotional ho stroll making fools of themselves or being tacky. Ergo, celebrity gossip isn't just in the crapper, it's an unsinkable molly brown - or a brown trout of, let's say, the Piers Morgan variety. Eeeow! No one wants that.
How do we know this? Because all the gossip sites are straining really hard to come up with stuff now that the stars are hunkering down - or protesting, God help us, like Susan Sarandon. Take "Page Six," which today has this earth-shattering news: "Barbara Walters' Last Words!" Which are the none-too-earth-shattering, "No regrets. I've had a great life." That's not just a crumb parading as a story, it's your grandfather's flaky beard dandruff and sputum dotting his dark blue shirt. What else does "Page Six" have? More on alleged child abuser Ruby Franke. That's not gossip, thats a fuck-me-sideways-with-a-monkey-wrench horror show and it doesn't count. Neither does their lead story about Derek Hough canoodling with his wife. His wife! WTF? And Derek Hough? Cue *Harpo, who's this woman* gif.
Even TMZ, a usually reliable source of celebrity fuckery, is straining. They're reporting on Travis Barker - such glamour! - who had to cut his tour short with "Blink 182" because of an unspecified family emergency. But c'mon, unless this emergency is a complete head transplant for Travis, I'm not interested. And, oh, yes, there's another story in which "a source" claims that Britney Spears will not be doing OnlyFans, because, let's be honest, save a camera showing her cooter stretched wide with a speculum, we've seen it all.
The only celebrities allowed to speak and potentially give us some decent goss or asshatary are those appearing in SAG-waiver, non-AMPTP productions, like Adam Driver - again, the glamour! - who's promoting "Ferrari," a Michael Mann movie already getting tepid reviews. And what is he talking about? The strike! How he's totally behind it and really supports...huh? Wha? Sorry, but gossip right now is like an awkward sexual advance. You may want it, but it's so clumsy and skird you just want to slap it upside the head.
Which means the best gossip right now is no gossip. It's Kylie Minogue and her verifiably batshit new music video, "Tension." I've no idea what's going on here - someone please explain (or not) - but Kylie looks fantastic and if she's intending to bring back trippy mid-90s club beats, she's succeeded. It's just no substitute for TommyGirl™ jumping on couches and this makes me sad emoticon. For our own sanity, I hope the strikes end soon.
Greetings music lovers, and welcome to another edition of Manor Music Monday, this entry being, I hope, a brassy antidote to the mess that has become The Met Ball, or the East Coast's most famous Jerk Parade, tonight with Extra Jerk and Tupperware Titays (with apologies to dearly departed Tupperware). Can anything work to counter this gory dumpster fire of tacky, mess and blurgh? DJ Li'l Scratch believes so, and tonight at the Manor's exclusive after hours club, "Huh? Wha? I'll Have That With Sloppy Oral," he'll by spinning delicious tunes by a brassy singer you're guaranteed to be delighted by. Yes, it's Miss Toni Fisher, a performer who's giving us serious "growl, snarl, snap" above. Don't mess with Miss Toni amirite? Her time in the spotlight was brief. She was a Hollywood nightclub singer for only five years, recorded just one LP - 1960's "The Big Hurt" - and scored only two Top 40 hits, the first one being ...
I thought for sure this beaut was a Ford Fairlane, but apparently it's a 1957 Ford Tudor Sedan. But whatever it's called, it's gorgeous! A s always, please note my exceptionally professional job of obscuring the license plate. In '57 there was a lot of great shows on tv, and some terrific movies too. For my money, "Witness For The Prosecution" is the most fun, suspenseful and ultimately satisfying 116 minutes you could spend in a theater that year (that ENDING!). Also, if your mom was driving you to elementary school or picking you up after, it's very likely you heard this song, and you could also see it on Ed Sullivan that year: So wake up, little Susie (and Sammie), wake up--after all, it's Open Post, darlings! Photo Credits: AK
Listen, I'm not saying these assassination attempts on 47 are faker than his burnt Turkish apricot tan, but I've seen more convincing death scenes in a rural Arkansas high school’s production of Romeo and Juliet. They couldn’t even get hired to wear a Goofy suit at Disney World because they are so unconvincing. The facts don’t add up. Their performances are so lazy that the effort to hard sell these narratives only works on the feverish indoctrinated cult members. You need MAGA atrophied brain matter to not give yourself a concussion with eye rolls. Let’s break this down because it is too much. They are doing too much. The Butler Rally: A Masterclass in Melodramatic Timing Let's start with the pièce de résistance: Butler, Pennsylvania, July 13, 2024. We are to believe that a 20-year-old with a rifle can climb onto a rooftop 400 feet from a former president during a campaign rally, and no one notices until he starts shooting. Yes, some guy just gets up on a rooftop with ge...
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