How I long for the bygone days of couch-jumping and maniacal laughter. No, for reals. Ever since the writers and actors went on strike, all of your favorite celebs are no longer on the promotional ho stroll making fools of themselves or being tacky. Ergo, celebrity gossip isn't just in the crapper, it's an unsinkable molly brown - or a brown trout of, let's say, the Piers Morgan variety. Eeeow! No one wants that.
How do we know this? Because all the gossip sites are straining really hard to come up with stuff now that the stars are hunkering down - or protesting, God help us, like Susan Sarandon. Take "Page Six," which today has this earth-shattering news: "Barbara Walters' Last Words!" Which are the none-too-earth-shattering, "No regrets. I've had a great life." That's not just a crumb parading as a story, it's your grandfather's flaky beard dandruff and sputum dotting his dark blue shirt. What else does "Page Six" have? More on alleged child abuser Ruby Franke. That's not gossip, thats a fuck-me-sideways-with-a-monkey-wrench horror show and it doesn't count. Neither does their lead story about Derek Hough canoodling with his wife. His wife! WTF? And Derek Hough? Cue *Harpo, who's this woman* gif.
Even TMZ, a usually reliable source of celebrity fuckery, is straining. They're reporting on Travis Barker - such glamour! - who had to cut his tour short with "Blink 182" because of an unspecified family emergency. But c'mon, unless this emergency is a complete head transplant for Travis, I'm not interested. And, oh, yes, there's another story in which "a source" claims that Britney Spears will not be doing OnlyFans, because, let's be honest, save a camera showing her cooter stretched wide with a speculum, we've seen it all.
The only celebrities allowed to speak and potentially give us some decent goss or asshatary are those appearing in SAG-waiver, non-AMPTP productions, like Adam Driver - again, the glamour! - who's promoting "Ferrari," a Michael Mann movie already getting tepid reviews. And what is he talking about? The strike! How he's totally behind it and really supports...huh? Wha? Sorry, but gossip right now is like an awkward sexual advance. You may want it, but it's so clumsy and skird you just want to slap it upside the head.
Which means the best gossip right now is no gossip. It's Kylie Minogue and her verifiably batshit new music video, "Tension." I've no idea what's going on here - someone please explain (or not) - but Kylie looks fantastic and if she's intending to bring back trippy mid-90s club beats, she's succeeded. It's just no substitute for TommyGirl™ jumping on couches and this makes me sad emoticon. For our own sanity, I hope the strikes end soon.
Wheeeeeee! Let's play a game! Post a picture of someone whom you believe is unduly popular and well-paid given their wee amount of talent. And it doesn't even have to be showbiz peeps, though so many are richly deserving. I'll go first. Drumroll, please. Tim Cook. Sure, Steve Jobs was a diffy act to follow, but besides fattening the pockets of Apple's shareholders, Cook's talents appear to be minimal, even diminutive, unless you consider this the work of a talented mind. Word on the street is that he'll retire in the coming year, which can't come too soon for many who believe that hobnobbing with terrorists - who would otherwise be quite happy to imprison or kill his talent-free gay ass - is just tackiness. Okay, your turn. Ready? Go! Photo Credits: Funkipedia, Getty Images
Credit: Noah Fecks/Food & Wine While we Canadian Peckers already got our fill of turkey back in October, our neighbours to the South are celebrating the holiday this week. Naturally I am seeing a lot of recipes crop up for the beloved classic dishes like turkey, stuffing, pies, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, rolls, etc. But I have noticed that mac and cheese appears to be a popular dish for the holiday. After doing some research, it appears to be a common Southern tradition, with the dish becoming more ubiquitous in the Northern states as people moved around the country. So, Peckers who celebrate Thanksgiving, do you enjoy an ooey gooey scoop of mac and cheese on your dinner plate? If so, what recipe do you enjoy? The last few years I have seen Tini's mac and cheese recipe be named one of the best of all time. Anything that involves 2.5lbs of cheese is bound to be good in my books. Gobble gobble!
Are we having fun yet? The elections brought a blue wave, the shutdown has ended, and the Epstein files will soon be released. Why so "sad-emoticon?" At least some people are having a good time , right? Though I guess it depends on what side of the aisle you're on, or if you'd like to receive actual healthcare. I suppose things could get better in the short term, since stranger things have been happening lately , yet when the entire economy appears beholden to a bunch of wealthy, but dim-witted, tech bros , it's had to work up any real excitement, especially since said tech bros are trying to lasso in your kids. At least we have hopeful distractions, but we all know how well those will turn out: Art Credit: Joel Pett/Tribune Content Service, Dave Whamond/Cagle
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