Peckerwood Manor

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than a rock-hard crouton that fell from your salad to the kitchen floor three months ago and was nose-butted, then ignored, by your adorable cat - who dearly wishes you'd sweep once in a while, goddammit - so they need all the moisture they can get.  First, behold before and after pics of Brad Pitt , the left from 2022, the right from 2023. Subtle? Yes, I'd say so, especially since many aging male stars lately look as if they've gotten their faces smoothed out on an ironing board. By the way, I'm not starting off this week's post with needless digressions. I simply want to point out that Brad very much cares about his money-making puss - which means that he does, in fact, care about things. No, really. Like all those poor, destitute Hurricane Katrina victims in... oh, wait . Does Brad care about his children? For sure, and definitely mor

Oh, dear. This is not turning out to be a good year for bitch-slapping Will Smith, that cuckold fool who's been secret-separated from his adoring wife, or Tupac's true love, Jada Pinkett, for the past seven years. "Why did they separate?" you ask. His former assistant, someone called Brother Bilaal, may have the answer, because he just revealed that he once walked in on Will doing  le butt sex corn-holio with Duane Martin, his "Fresh Prince From Bel-Air" co-star. And allegedly, for those who want to know the deets, Duane was the corn  and Will was the holio in this scandalous greeking Weinergate, according to Bilaal, who adds that Duane was flat-out "murdering" Will's badonkadonk. To be honest, it sounds kinda hot and I'd like to see the video, thankyew. If it's true - if, mind you - than it's quite the comeuppance for an actor who once refused to be filmed kissing his male co-star in the movie, "Six Degrees Of Separation,&quo

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from  filthy  esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Emma (aka The Tennis Chick): Are you born scum, which subsequently attracts you to Scientology? Or does the "church" actually make you scum? But before we get to that, have you noticed the recent spate of articles lately claiming that Tom Cruise is stepping away from Scientology? Out of the blue, a number of pieces suddenly started popping up with claims that Tom has not visited the Scientology headquarters in East Grinstead, England, despite having hauled ass to the UK some three years ago. This was presented as evidence that he was about to break up with the cult. In truth, Tom has faced this kind of fake news for years. Back in 2015, Esquire claimed that he was calling it quits with Scientology for the sake of his then nine-year-old daughter, Suri, who was at risk of being branded a Suppressive Person for not being raised w

How I long for the bygone days of couch-jumping and maniacal laughter. No, for reals. Ever since the writers and actors went on strike, all of your favorite celebs are no longer on the promotional ho stroll making fools of themselves or being tacky. Ergo, celebrity gossip isn't just in the crapper, it's an unsinkable molly brown - or a brown trout of, let's say, the Piers Morgan variety. Eeeow! No one wants that.  How do we know this? Because all the gossip sites are straining really hard to come up with stuff now that the stars are hunkering down - or protesting, God help us, like Susan Sarandon . Take "Page Six," which today has this earth-shattering news: "Barbara Walters' Last Words!" Which are the none-too-earth-shattering, "No regrets. I've had a great life." That's not just a crumb parading as a story, it's your grandfather's flaky beard dandruff and sputum dotting his dark blue shirt. What else does "Page Six&q