THE ROVING PECKER PRESENTS: "Julia Fox, Famewhore or Fashion-Forward Martyr?" by Saucy Kitty!
It seems as if everybody has a memoir out nowadays, but maybe that’s because the three latest memoir authors, Britney Spears, Jada Pinkett-Smith and John Stamos have been blabbing all over the place to any media outlet that will give them coverage. But did we know that Julia Fox also put out her memoir in October? No? Maybe it’s because nobody cares now that she’s not “dating” Kanye.
Or maybe it's because she’s such a glamourpuss that we mere mortals can’t see her by way of our own, surely busted fashun radars. Regardless, Julia has put out a book, which is quite aptly named, “Down the Drain,” as that’s where I wish she’d go every time her weirdly “toned” body and “daring fashion choices” hit my screen. Even before the book was released, Julia herself proclaimed it to be "a masterpiece," which almost seems like a dare, so perhaps we should do a wee skim.
As far as being a martyr, this self-described “Renaissance Woman” claims that she made the ultimate sacrifice: she dated Kanye in January 2022 so that Kim would finally get some peace from him. I guess it’s kind of like shaking a string in front of a cat or a pacifier in front of a baby, right? Surely it can’t be that difficult to distract ranty Ye. Yes, my Peckers, per a TikTok video (ugh; are they really a valued media source now?), Julia said, “Maybe I could get him off Kim's case. Maybe I can distract him, like, just get him to like me. If anyone can do it, it's me, because when I set my mind to something, I do it.” Oh, Julia, what a sacrifice you made, thinking of Kim and not at all about the fact that “the artist,” as she calls him in her book, was still quite rich and famous at that point.
Once they got together, Julia was apparently shocked – shocked, I tell you – to discover that Kanye couldn’t be bothered to listen to a word she said. She wrote that he was quite surprised to find out from other sources that she was a former drug addict, even though she’d mentioned it to him before. When he acted all confused-like (and here, I give the woman a thumbs-up), she reportedly texted him back: “Maybe if you listened more. And not to mention, so were you!”
Those of you pondering why Julia has been allowed to write all this without hearing a peep from Ye (thank goodness) will be delighted to know that Julia was a brave soul who informed him that she would not sign an NDA. According to her memoir, after he told her that they couldn’t be friends unless she signed an NDA, she replied, “I’ll live.” So you see, she sacrificed her friendship with Ye to bring us all the juicy details. Like I said, a martyr! As for Julia’s plans for the future, well, we’ve been able to see her in some “unusual” couture lately (that’s me being nice, by the way), such as the Princess Diana corset she recently wore while in London. Or the see-through items she’s been wearing everywhere all the time non-stop. Julia is still working that ho stroll, strutting it every chance she gets. No word on what she’s doing with her toddler-age son during this time.
If you want to see more of Julia (please identify yourselves) (ew), she’s going to host a reality fashion design show, because we don’t have enough of those. It will be called “OMG Fashun! with Julia Fox.” No word yet on what streaming service or channel it will be on. Maybe she’ll just make like all the kids and put it on TikTok herself.
Are you suffering from Fox-haustion? Fear not, there is good news: Julia has stated that she does not want to be famous. “Ultimately, my goal is to fade into obscurity and write scripts, develop movies, TV shows, maybe children’s books,” she told The New York Times in a September interview. Oh, Julia, could you please? I’d be happy if she’d just fulfill the “fade into obscurity” part; she doesn’t have to develop movies or kids’ books or whatever. So long as I don’t have to keep seeing her weird stomach and overdone eye make-up, I’m good.
As far as being a martyr, this self-described “Renaissance Woman” claims that she made the ultimate sacrifice: she dated Kanye in January 2022 so that Kim would finally get some peace from him. I guess it’s kind of like shaking a string in front of a cat or a pacifier in front of a baby, right? Surely it can’t be that difficult to distract ranty Ye. Yes, my Peckers, per a TikTok video (ugh; are they really a valued media source now?), Julia said, “Maybe I could get him off Kim's case. Maybe I can distract him, like, just get him to like me. If anyone can do it, it's me, because when I set my mind to something, I do it.” Oh, Julia, what a sacrifice you made, thinking of Kim and not at all about the fact that “the artist,” as she calls him in her book, was still quite rich and famous at that point.
Once they got together, Julia was apparently shocked – shocked, I tell you – to discover that Kanye couldn’t be bothered to listen to a word she said. She wrote that he was quite surprised to find out from other sources that she was a former drug addict, even though she’d mentioned it to him before. When he acted all confused-like (and here, I give the woman a thumbs-up), she reportedly texted him back: “Maybe if you listened more. And not to mention, so were you!”
Oh, Julia. Didn’t the fact that he allegedly grabbed you for your first kiss right after taking a piss in a parking lot send you a message? I mean, did he at least shake off the dribble? Was there any on his hands? What about your gorgeous gown (or whatever she was wearing at the time)? I really would not want my clothing to have pee dribbled on it (even from a celebrity) (no, really). In her memoir, Julia states, “Once he zips his pants back up, he puts his arms around me and pulls me in close, kissing me passionately. He doesn’t care about the boys in the parking lot or the fact that at any moment someone could take a picture of us.” Who says romance is dead? I guess these are the sacrifices a woman makes for dating “the artist,” including turning down his generous, selfless offer of a boob job after a shirt he wanted her to wear didn’t fit to his liking. So heroic!
As for the January 2022 “Interview” magazine essay that she wrote about how great Ye was, surprise! That was mostly orchestrated by him. She did not, in fact, feel as empowered as she’d originally stated about having to get rid of all her clothes so that Ye could dress her up like a doll. It also apparently gave her some memories of how he did the same thing to Kim when they got together. However, let’s not forget: Julia was doing this so Kim could get a break from Ye. Maybe Julia figured that putting up with Ye while humping on Pete Davidson was too much for one woman. I’m spitballing here, but let’s go with that.
As for the January 2022 “Interview” magazine essay that she wrote about how great Ye was, surprise! That was mostly orchestrated by him. She did not, in fact, feel as empowered as she’d originally stated about having to get rid of all her clothes so that Ye could dress her up like a doll. It also apparently gave her some memories of how he did the same thing to Kim when they got together. However, let’s not forget: Julia was doing this so Kim could get a break from Ye. Maybe Julia figured that putting up with Ye while humping on Pete Davidson was too much for one woman. I’m spitballing here, but let’s go with that.
Those of you pondering why Julia has been allowed to write all this without hearing a peep from Ye (thank goodness) will be delighted to know that Julia was a brave soul who informed him that she would not sign an NDA. According to her memoir, after he told her that they couldn’t be friends unless she signed an NDA, she replied, “I’ll live.” So you see, she sacrificed her friendship with Ye to bring us all the juicy details. Like I said, a martyr! As for Julia’s plans for the future, well, we’ve been able to see her in some “unusual” couture lately (that’s me being nice, by the way), such as the Princess Diana corset she recently wore while in London. Or the see-through items she’s been wearing everywhere all the time non-stop. Julia is still working that ho stroll, strutting it every chance she gets. No word on what she’s doing with her toddler-age son during this time.
If you want to see more of Julia (please identify yourselves) (ew), she’s going to host a reality fashion design show, because we don’t have enough of those. It will be called “OMG Fashun! with Julia Fox.” No word yet on what streaming service or channel it will be on. Maybe she’ll just make like all the kids and put it on TikTok herself.
Before I depart, I'll leave you with Julia's mesmerizing "Vanity Fair" lie detector test, in which she suggests, among other things, that Pete Davidson could benefit from seeing a dominatrix, and also, who's daring to steal her stunning fashun lewks. Be forewarned, her Sexy Behbeh™ vocal fry is painful.
Photo Credits: GC Images, Danielle Levitt/Instagram, NNON, Getty Images
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