OPEN POST: Mischievous Elephant Seal Goes Rogue in Tasmania

Neil the Seal, the rotund ruler of Tasmanian shenanigans, has been waddling his way into the hearts of the internet with his wild antics and bold behavior. This beach boy, who tips the scales at a hefty 600 kg/1,322 lbs, has been living his best life in the coastal towns of Dunalley and Woodbridge, where he's become a local legend and a global sensation. 

Neil's list of hilarious moments keeps growing every time he hauls his blubbery self out of the water and onto land. He's been spotted engaging in a one-seal protest against traffic management, a vendetta feud with a police officer, and treating cones like they're pins in a bowling alley designed just for him. Neil feels that the locals should be grateful for allowing them to be so close to a superstar like himself. So what if he decides to camp out on a road and stop traffic. And what's it to the locals if he takes over a porch or two. 

His favorite activities are his impromptu yard invasions, where he sunbathes with the confidence of an A-list celebrity at an exclusive St. Barths beach club. Or he may decide to lay siege on a garage, but it is just Neil working in some calisthenics to try to keep fit. It is hard work being in demand, and he wouldn't want to let his body go to f... never mind. Neil hates that word. 

But this seal is not just a jolly giant; he's also a bit of an egomaniac. He's been known to have water fights with locals, probably demanding only the finest spring water to touch his glorious fur. And when a Marine Conservation official tried to shoo him away from a public beach, Neil sassily told him he better back up and recognize who he was talking to (there were some pretty salty insults, too), proving that even marine mammals can throw shade. He has a reputation as being a bit difficult but his publicist assures us that is just part of Neil's charm.

Despite his penchant for public appearances, Neil's management team (a.k.a. the owner of his Instagram fan account) has decided to keep his tour dates secret to protect his privacy and safety. After all, even famous water mammals need their space, and Neil is no exception. So while we all adore the chaos-causing, cone-clobbering, car-blocking charm of Neil, let's remember to give him the standing ovation he deserves—from at least 20 meters/65 feet away.

Drink in my gorgeousness. This is my best side.