Peckerwood Manor

Danger ahead! It's called  George Clooney .  The man, the myth, or at least the myth-in-his-own-mind. He's pictured above with his new store-bought teefs, along with evidence that he may well need a re-do of his under-eye surgery - the only cosmetic tweek he'll admit to - since those bags definitely won't fit under the seat or in the overhead bin.  George, as you know, likes to think of himself as both a regular funny-bunny guy and Lord Almighty of The High Church of Hollywood. Beware of both. In terms of the former, his eyes frequently glisten with an aw-shucks twinkle when he jokes about his longtime bestie, Brad Pitt , whom he calls "Pretty Boy Brad," or when he mocks his nipple-dee-do-da, 1997 "Batman" outfit, or mentions how often he likes to play pranks while on set. See? He's just a regular guy. So rascally! Such a scamp! Except when he's not. When Quentin Tarantino recently told the press that George is "not a movie star,"

Alert to All Residents of Peckerwood Manor: Darcy the Deadly Duck is at it again, laying explosive eggs capable of stinking up any boudoir - and, yes, they smell even worse than Brad Pitt's unwashed taint (Brad, as you know, was banned from the Manor some time ago for refusing to take even a whore's bath). Please contact Mr. Tristan Spratt, your helpful major duomo, should you spot either Darcy or Brad, as Mr. Spratt is a good shot and ready with his tranquilizer gun.

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than a rock-hard crouton that fell from your salad to the kitchen floor three months ago and was nose-butted, then ignored, by your adorable cat - who dearly wishes you'd sweep once in a while, goddammit - so they need all the moisture they can get.  First, behold before and after pics of Brad Pitt , the left from 2022, the right from 2023. Subtle? Yes, I'd say so, especially since many aging male stars lately look as if they've gotten their faces smoothed out on an ironing board. By the way, I'm not starting off this week's post with needless digressions. I simply want to point out that Brad very much cares about his money-making puss - which means that he does, in fact, care about things. No, really. Like all those poor, destitute Hurricane Katrina victims in... oh, wait . Does Brad care about his children? For sure, and definitely mor

It seems that in the past month, we had two similar stories about Jacob Elordi and Brad Pitt, but Henry Cavill also told us something that kind of tickles my funny bone. Jacob and Brad may have anger issues, prone to being volatile in one instance and violent in the other. Which one is violent? Hmmm. One allegedly has a fuel truck in his past, and pulled a whiskey-fueled, sloppy Wendy O. Williams while screaming "Fuuuck Yooouuu Angieeeeee!" at the top of his lungs. At least that is how I picture it. The other tried to strangle a producer after a harmless yet provocative joke. And Henry, why he's positively prudish about sex scenes and clutches his man pearls when things get too hot in a movie. Imagine that. Two thugs and a prig.  Jacob needs to start meditating or smoking weed around the clock; this brute tried to choke a producer, shoving him against a wall, then demanded that he erase the video evidence showing, at the very least, that he has no sense of humor. I mean,

Welcome to the latest edition of "Thirsty Or Not Thirsty!" First up, we have sixty-year-old Brad Pitt - the movie star New Orleans loves to hate - and his adoring girlfriend, Ines De Ramon, who's a whopping 30 years his junior. But honestly, who's counting when you're an aging, juiced-on-Viagra star and a much younger "jewelry professional" (cough) who's also actor Paul Wesley's divorced, smash-and-trash leftover slop? A girl's gotta keep that money train going, and if this means riding a limp, cum-sputtering meat noodle (she cries "Timber!" whenever he whips it out) so be it.  The moisture-seeking couple were recently spotted on a "special date night" at a Beverly Hills art exhibit. Gossip sites called this a "rare sighting!" of the duo (who of course have them all on speed dial). Yet they weren't the only thirsty star whores at the gathering. There was also Jon Voight - shocker! - and, no, they didn't c

Buzzfeed got my attention recently because I wanted to link some quizzes for us to take and see what people came up with—just a little mid-week fun. And there might be an opportunity to find some juicy gossip, but not that day, comrades. However, I found a story about some Kardashian fucking a purple elf on a jet to Jupiter because they heard that is where the real fountain of youth is. Bon voyage! Don't come back! Next to that 34th article about those idiots planted by PMK and her plastic disciples, I saw a story about famous guys everyone loves who are actually skeevy creepers who have never been held accountable for dating teenagers. I shrugged and figured it would be boring and nothing to write about or share, yet why not? I considered there might be a string to follow, and I was curious about the men people loved who had done this. Worthy of a peruse, I figured.  The first face was 90s be-coiffed Bradley Pitt, in a chambray shirt looking like a mall store for men in the valley

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" will present urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Kid77:  I don’t know who originally said, “Nothing lasts forever” but whoever it was, they should amend that shit to say, “Nothing lasts forever except the Brangelina divorce.”  The legally single pair are still battling it out in the courts - still! - and it’s only getting uglier. The last we heard, Brad was suing St. Angie over the sale of her the shares in their French winery, Mirval, to a Russian oligarch, Yuri Shefler. According to Brad, the pair agreed not to sell their shares without getting approval from the other. Brad claimed Angie violated that agreement, and also claimed Shefler was shady AF and had ties to everyone’s favorite shirtless dictator, Vladmir Putin. Shefler denies this and says Putin called for his death (sure, Yuri, take a number). In the current issue of "Vanity Fair," there’s an in-depth article det