Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from D'Hermitage! ---------------------------------------------- Peckers! Welcome to the virgin issue of "Morning Wood," the latest addition to the manor where we start your day in green - meaning nature matters, the birds and the bees, the moss and the trees, famous people adjacent, and some-such morning activities. But not the numbered ones! We are not savages after all. I know, I know, when you think morning wood, Judi Dench is not what comes to mind, but today, we change that. Why-the-trunk-not? Because Judi Dench (Dame to the monarchists), loves wood all day long. Yes, the living one. Judi Dench is a hor for trees! Shush your hor mouth you say? Au contraire. She has lots of trees and other vegetation, and she names her trees in memory of her friends. I don’t know how the Linnaean nomenclature peeps feel about that, but she’s...

     

 

    ► Brooklyn Beckham, the Jeopardy answer to "Worthless Nepo Kids", is courting culinary controversy with his latest fake chef stunt. I'm calling it a stunt because his knowledge of the culinary arts can fit inside a shot glass. He thinks Thermador is Thor's younger brother. While sunning on his yacht off a Mediterranean harbor, BB decided to multi-task by showing how he cooks pasta while being an eco-warrior and peddling his Cloud 23 sauce that doubles as a hair shampoo bottle. He scooped sea water into a pot to cook the pasta. BB failed to realize his yacht is anchored in a harbor where other yachts and boats are parked. Parked vessels leak diesel fuel into the water, dump sewage and other nasty stuff. The internet was quick to point this out to boy genius, reminding him that using sea water is a good way to contract ecoli and water borne ailments. Even if he was out in the middle of the ocean without the issue of nearby yachts dumping their junk (looking at you J...