Peckerwood Manor

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than all those Doritios crumbles between J.D. Vance's couch cushions - 'cause he's always snackin' after sexytimes - so they need all the moisture they can get. First up, we have  Billie Joe Armstrong , the front man for Green Day, a cosmeticized, faux-punk group from the early-90s which aped the moves, sound and attitude of their predecessors, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, and their front man,  Anthony Kiedis - sans the Peppers raw talent, innovative discography, and charming socks . I said what I said and shan't be convinced otherwise. Everything about Billie is tricked up, including his sexuality. He's noted that he's in a straight, M/F marriage, but bisexual, which is fine and good, expect when you're tacky about it. This includes the time at an industry party where he allegedly walked up to a long-ago boyfriend with his wif...

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than a months-old dead opossum on the side of the road, s o they need all the moisture they can get. First up, we have Richard Dreyfuss , a phlegmatic, has-been actor who happily engages in "consensual seduction rituals," as he cheerfully termed it after being accused of whipping out his gherkin to a barely 20 year-old female writer in a studio trailer . "I remember my face being brought close to his penis,” said the writer. “The idea was that I was going to give him a blow job. I didn’t, and I left.” Those writers, so uptight.  Swing, baby, swing! But maybe don't swing when it comes to Richard's son, Harry , who in 2017 claims that his penis was groped and fondled through his pants when he was an underage teenager by none other than  Kevin Spacey,  all while an unwitting Richard was in the same room. The company you keep, amirite? On...

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are so dry, they're fossilized, so they need all the moisture they can get. First up, we have Jennifer Lopez, a perennial thirst-hor, of course, but today, we get the added bonus of her mother, Guadalupe, who's best looked upon as a discount Dina Lohan, or just a notch or two above Bradley Cooper's mom,  Gloria Capano , on the look at meeeee scale. Guadalupe, as you'll recall, let it be known far and wide during Jen 'n Ben, The Original Recipe™ that she adored Ben, especially his drinking and gambling, because she liked drinking and gambling, too - and she loved getting papped while doing so. When Jen 'n Ben split up, Guadalupe sorely wished for them to reunite. She didn't say this to Jennifer's face, of course, but to the press. "This is the first I'm hearing about it," responded Jennifer in a genuinely surprised moment...

Many have tried, and many have failed, to bang correctly. No, you filthy strumpet, I mean bangs, as in the hairstyle. It is a bold choice because growing them out takes enormous fortitude and a fuck load of strength. There is one woman, however, a doyenne, a goddess, a devotee of bangs, and that is Mamie Doud, aka Madame Eisenhower.  Oh, this bangs angel found her luxuriant bang style, and she was not giving them up. Age be damned. Baby bangs 4'ever! That was her mantra, her manifesto, her battle cry. These bangs were a comfort through good times and bad; when life's highs and lows took Mamie asunder, a quick check, and she could calm herself with the knowledge that they were still there and carefully shellacked with a slight curl to her high, very high on her forehead.  Let's take a stroll down Bang Avenue with a few examples of the ones that tried to be Mamie, but no, they can't pull off a baby bang, not like our Mamie.   Nice try, Courtney, enchanting even, but you a...

"I guess she finally ran out of Lina material to steal," quipped pop music wags when Lady Gaga swiftly transitioned from being a full-time pop star to being a part-time actress and Tony Bennett's pall bearer. This was just after Gaga's disastrous 2013 "ArtPop" album, which seriously threatened to halt her booming pop music future.  Yet the road ahead was already paved with "Cheek to Cheek," her collaborative album of jazz standards with Bennett released in 2014, and her first major acting role in "American Horror Story," which started production in 2014.  No longer did she have to rely on being an "It Girl" pop star - a precarious occupation for anyone, no matter their talent - while a whole new revenue stream was opened up with acting.  Canny career moves? Sure, but also creepily pre-meditated  insist many early-2000, NYC scenesters, who assert that  Gaga's early pop success was heavily reliant on the talent, songwriting sk...