Peckerwood Manor

As most of you know, Twyla the Turtle is an esteemed resident at Peckerwood Manor, known for her ribald conversations and delicious Atlanta Sours, which she makes with her own corn whisky from her own personal distillery. She's also just opened a sure-to-be-famous turtle spa, and while only Twyla and Tequila partake of its splendors at the moment, word has begun spreading. Turtles from parts near and far, we've heard, have already started their (very) slow trek toward our parts to enjoy its hot springs, massages, and reviving, minty scrub downs (as demonstrated by Miss Twyla above).  In practical terms, this means that by this time next year - or maybe after, as they're quite leisurely in their travel - we'll all have to be on the look-out, whether we be moving around on foot, bicycle or car. No one wants to hear a crunchy splat beneath their feet or tires, so do be alert to any wee, journeying creatures.  Also, today's lunch specials at the Peckerwood Cafeteria in...

Did you know? Madonna's single, "True Blue," from the album of the same title, was released in US markets this month in 1986, which means it's almost middle-aged at 38 years-old. I wasn't born yet, of course (oh, let me have this one!), but I hear that Madonna was married at the time to Sean Penn, an actor-turned-dried-up-7-11-sausage-left-on-a-grill-roller-for-at-least-5-decades. In fact, all the albums songs are said to be "inspired" by her l'amour for Penn.    1986 was also the same year Madonna and Penn starred in "Shanghai Surprise," a movie many rented on VHS - after its blessedly brief theatrical release - and stopped watching after 15 minutes, then returned it to the video store, not bothering to rewind it. I know this because when I rented it, it started at the 15 minute mark. I rewound it, started it at the beginning and 15 minutes in, I thanked the previous renter, since I agreed that 15 minutes was more than enough time to sp...

Nowadays, it is easy to forget that Madonna was not always famous, looked fresh and young, and hadn't destroyed her face yet. Aging is not an easy process, but it is made all the harder when someone's vanity supersedes someone's common sense. I would never have dreamed the Madonna I knew from my childhood until the early 2000s would end up where she is.                        At this time, she was living with Basquiat and was a fixture in the club scene. My favorite Madonna song is 'Everybody', which became popular enough to release another single. 'Burning Up' and then go on to Like A Virgin. These photos were taken when she was on the cusp of fame, and I think she looks gorgeous.  The backup dancers...I expect you all to have these moves memorized for our Peckerwood Talent Show.  Come on you guys. Get those dancing shoes on!

Lift that wheelbarrow-full of Werther's, my dear, because you're getting older. Or rather, Madonna is getting older - you and I remain spring freshets - because 40-years ago this week, (yes, 40!), Madonna released "Borderline," the fourth single from her first LP, "Madonna." It was her break-out single, or rather, the one that got her noticed not just by gay and Black record buyers, who were onto her well before, but by all the muddled masses.  At the time, critics hailed her "soulful" vocal performance. I'm not kidding. Conversely, it was around this time that Mick Jagger publicly noted that she sounded like "Minnie Mouse on helium." But this may have been sour grapes on Mick's part, since years previous in 1978, according to the very juicy " Jagger Unauthorized" by Christopher Anderson , she rode his baloney pony at his Plaza Hotel suite, and the next morning, sashayed away, but not before telling him, "One day I...

Look, it's Amanda Lepore Madonna celebrating the holidays by flashing her stench trench with a cheap Sears Santa by her side during her "Celebration" tour. At least I think that amalgamation of skin, plastic and viscous peen gravy is Madonna, but who knows? Stars! They're just like dried nut custard! Or at least the ones who want you know how desperately - and I mean desperately - they're enjoying the holiday season. Because nothing says hor for the holidays like horing yourself out for you Instagram feed.  Speaking of hors, Nick Canon wants us all to know that he rully-rully cares about all the crotch-droppings of the world, half of which are his, by disguising himself as a Keepin' It Trashy Santa™ at a children's cancer ward in Orange County - because nothing says "Kill me now" like cancer and Nick Canon. Please note the lack of a proper Santa beard, since Nick wants all the children and his fans on the 'gram to know that it's him. Wh...

Madonna, Taking a Bow (Peter Kentes/Coleman-Rayner)