Peckerwood Manor

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than Travis Kelce's nut sac (Tay-Tay is so not a teabagger, thankyew), so they need all the moisture they can get. First up, we have Eddie Murphy , who's been on the publicity ho stroll for his new movie, "Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F," which arrives nearly 30 years after "Beverly Hills Cop III," so obviously there's been pent-up demand for it. Either that or Eddie, the father of 10 children with 5 different women, needs some cheddar. Please note that   Nic Canon has 12 children with 6 different women. No word yet on whether he followed in Eddie's  raw-dogging steps when he insured his cojones. I suppose some things really must remain a mystery. Not a mystery? Eddie's thirst, since he's been taking this time to tell multiple interviewers about the cultural importance of his work and to call out all the meanies who d...

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than a crumbling wine cork between an overflowing Dumpster and a leased Chevy Trax behind an off-ramp 7-11, so they need all the moisture they can get. First, we have perpetual thirsty gal, Gwyneth Paltrow , who's an expert at gaining attention, what with her vagina-scented candles (did she ever say whose vagina it smelled like? Was it  Oprah's vagina? Justin Timberlake's ?  That Damn Judi Dench's ?). Then there's her instructions on how to yawn properly (yes, she insists, you're doing it wrong; I'm assuming it's all about opening wide-wide-wide, like giving a blowie to The Hammaconda ); how to speak kind words to water before drinking it (to encourage it's "good molecular structure") (huh?); and how to pump oxygen with a catheter up your b-hole, followed by a deep, spiritually-uplifting coffee enema (the latte...

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than a months-old dead opossum on the side of the road, s o they need all the moisture they can get. First up, we have Richard Dreyfuss , a phlegmatic, has-been actor who happily engages in "consensual seduction rituals," as he cheerfully termed it after being accused of whipping out his gherkin to a barely 20 year-old female writer in a studio trailer . "I remember my face being brought close to his penis,” said the writer. “The idea was that I was going to give him a blow job. I didn’t, and I left.” Those writers, so uptight.  Swing, baby, swing! But maybe don't swing when it comes to Richard's son, Harry , who in 2017 claims that his penis was groped and fondled through his pants when he was an underage teenager by none other than  Kevin Spacey,  all while an unwitting Richard was in the same room. The company you keep, amirite? On...