EVENING NIGHTCAP: Denise & Aaron Are Done. Nacho Fight (only in Florida).
► Aaron Phypers (52) filed for divorce from Denise Richards (54) after 6 years of wedded bliss. Aaron checked off the irreconcilable differences box on the divorce form. Back in March, Denise gushed that divorce for them would never be an option, and that living with her was difficult - which Aaron agreed. See, that was mistake #1. Mistake #2 was Denise doing Only Fans with her grown daughter and showing their chochas and tatas to pervs. Aaron and Denise have no kids together - thank gawd. But they do share a motorcycle, power tools, and a sports care which were Aaron's to begin with. He wants to keep them. Fine! Keep your damn power tools. In case you're wondering how these got together, they met at a healing center in Malibu, California where Denise was undergoing "preventative DNA repair". WTF is that? Does it involve hoisting herself on a car lift to check under the hood? Aaron was previously married to Nicolette Sheridan of Desperate Housewives and Denise to Charlie "Tiger Blood" Sheen. Read More
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Aaron Phypers and Denise Richards, undated. Photo: Robin L. Marshall /Getty Images/People.com |
Comment: This marriage and divorce has all the makings of a Lifetime Movie. I secretly hope it turns into a messy divorce drama. After the lackluster divorce of Angelina and Stale Bread Pitt, Hollywood owes us this much. I want to Denise to toss Aaron's power tools all over their front lawn a la Betty Broderick and for him to release the gag reel of Denise & Sami's Only Fans sessions. Bonus: Charlie Sheen crawls out of whatever brothel he's holed up in and inserts himself in the drama. That's the kind of mess we want to see.
► Only the State of Florida can squat and drop this gem of a crime story. Allyson Swan (39), the drunken floozy shown below in her mug shot, decided to release her inner assholio by assaulting her wife with nachos. Yes, Florida still has card carrying members of the flannel club despite Governor DeSatan and the GOP trying their best to run them out of the state. The victim (name not disclosed) was preparing a plate of delicious nachos when Allyson started to talk smack about the victim's weight. The victim didn't take too kindly to this and it led to a cat fight. Allyson grabbed a handful of nachos and shoved them down the victim's pants followed by slamming the victim's head to the floor. Damn! Allyson should look into being a cage fighter. Anyway, cops were called and arrested Allyson for a slew of things including assault, battery, illicit use of nachos, and misusing bleach to dye her hair and eyebrows. I added the last 2 cause she deserves it. Allyson denied the charges. Read More
Comment: Only in Florida will your hear of a lezbot assaulting someone with a plate of nachos. Below are puppets doing their best to reenact this lover's spat.
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Mug shot of Allyson Swan, who assaulted her wife with nachos. Photo: SLCSD/CBS12.com |
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