THE ROVING PECKER PRESENTS: "Scribbles From The Manor's Pecker Pets" by D'Hermitage!

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Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from D'Hermitage!

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Did you know? The Pets of Peckerwood Manor have long kept secret diaries, and no one has known what they've been writing. Until now! Lucky for you, I stole some pages from a few and can now share their hush-hush scribbles: 


FROM THE DIARY OF SCOUT:

"Normally, I don’t get unduly agitated before 10am, but I had to attend a funeral last month - mobster related, thus the glamour scarf early in the day. I cannot say more than that. However, there was spaghetti served after the funeral and it must be discussed! The meatballs in it were dee-vine, so I told everyone: 'Look! Bacon!' and a race ensued…in the opposite direction. Thanks for the tip, Nubs (of the House of Baconette). Recall rocks! And spaghetti!"


FROM THE DIARY OF ABBIE: 

"Me and dad usually play charades. Sometimes it’s very difficult because he’s into astronomy and I’m into arts. Seriously, how do you pantomime a Nebula in charades? Here I am channeling 'Girl with Pearl Earring' by Vermeer. The lighting couldn’t be helped, but I did a special trick with my ear. How can you miss it? I thought I was v. clever. He didn't get it. He got so worried he thought there was something wrong with my ears. He was ready to scoop me up and take me to the dratted vet so I had to right my ears quick. Phew! All’s well now. Oh how he loves me so!"

FROM THE DIARY OF BUTTER: 

"This week, my hooman, Bree, thought he needed more glamour, so he went to get his hair did and a mani/pedi. When he came back, I was alarmed. He thought he looked so fine that I couldn’t recognize him - but actually, I thought he got into a brawl. He already has me! He gets enough eleganza from me by osmosis alone. I’m glad he got that manicure, though, because before that, his cuticles were such a shitshow Gee-Ghan-Tesque (my French for big doodoo) that I would only allow him to touch the decal versions of me (see Exhibit A). We’re back in each others arms now, but not too much because it’s still summer."




FROM THE DIARY OF NUBS: 

"I had a slight case of emotional breakdown recently because I was tricked into going to a place that shall NOT be named. But all is forgiven because...TUBE STEAK! CATNIP! I wish I weren't so easy, but she loves me so much that I can't sulk for long. I have a chiffon cake for a heart - I feel I am betraying my barn weasel ancestors. As you can see above, we went shopping and came back with lots of stuff. She looked so happy (for reasons other than ME) that I’m sure somebody got screwed again. She is THE MASTER of that. She keeps bringing out the abacus for me. I know she’s up to something. But whatevs, I make her so happy, so I am content."

  

Toodles from The Peckerwood Pets! By the way, if you're scandalized and want your pet's entry removed, let Bree know because I'm to pretty to be bothered with such things. Yours, D'Hermitage. 

Photo Credits: PlasticBotoxFace, TeamValtrex, Bree Daniels, BaconSlut (Nub Whisperer)

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