Peckerwood Manor

Greetings, Manor Hors! Periodically, "The Roving Pecker" presents urgent missives from filthy esteemed guest writers. Today's is from Mizcynical! So what are your plans this weekend? If you happen to have a spare $5,000, or even $1,200, burning a hole in your pocket in this economy , then I have just the thing for you. Gwyneth Paltrow, our favorite out-of-touch-basic-bitch (who was briefly African), is hosting an in-person wellness summit. Because of course she is and her timing couldn't be more exquisite. Perhaps, dear reader, you don't live in Los Angeles, therefore missing out on the opportunity to see and  work with her in the Santa Monica goop office - and if you do, this means you earn enough money to afford a studio apartment with six roommates in one of the most expensive cities in the world.  Another downside of not living in L.A. is that you don't have an overpriced Panera Bread - oops, I meant goop kitchen - near you, therefore, missing out on the

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than all those nasty couch cushion crumbs you've yet to vacuum up, so they need all the moisture they can get. First up, someone forgot to tell me that April was Clam Bumping Month™, because this week, not one, but two, female tarlets proudly announced that they're Lawrence Welk fans, if'n you get me drift. The first, Sophia Bush, a 40-ish actress formerly married to someone named Chad Michael Murray, and someone else named Grant Hughes, made headlines by announcing that her new lesbean lover is retired soccer star, Ashlyn Harris.  "Sophia Bush Hard-Launches New Relationship!" announced The Daily Beast  in a boner-shock headline that missed the ham wallet point by a mile. But whatevs. Welcome to the alphabet club, Sophia. Is Sophia thirsty? I don't think so, since she's not simultaneously promoting a new book, album, or sex toy

Welcome, fellow trollops, to the latest edition of "Who's This Week's Thirstiest Ho?" Today's trio are drier than that busted, six-year-old sleeve of Ritz Crackers you forgot about in the back of your kitchen cabinet, so they need all the moisture they can get. Let's start with Griffin Dunne. What is a Griffin Dunne, you may ask (especially if you're under 40)? Pull up a seat, darlin', I'll tell you. Griffin is an unattractive nepo-baby producer and sometime-actor born of  Dominick Dunne, a  celebrated author and late-in-life ghey, and Ellen, Dominick's activist/wife. His sister Dominique was tragically murdered as a teenager, which drove Dominick's later work as a true-life crime writer, most notably concerning the O.J. Simpson trial. Griffin's also the nephew of writer Joan Didion, so, yeah, despite his face, which I shall charitably describe as guinea pig-like, he managed to use his connections to star in a few decent movies in the 1

"Crazy" and "difficult" are adjectives female movie stars just can't seem to escape. And the #MeToo stories which accompany them? They just keep coming. Late last week, Sharon Stone dropped a doozy. It was the 1980s. She was a young, rising star gaining notice for her beauty and her acting abilities - a formidable combo. All of which earned her several "general meetings" with powerful studio executives around town, or the type of meetings which allow executives to size up a star they've heard so much about, ask them what types of projects they're interested in, and who they'd like to work with. Or at least that's how it's supposed to go.  But when Stone entered the office of an unnamed Sony executive at this time - I'm going to take a wild guess and assume it wasn't Dawn Steel - the tenor of the meeting changed when the executive, unprompted and out of nowhere, dropped trou and expected a hood rinse, as they say. "Of co

When it rains it pours. Where there's smoke there's fire. Pick your cliche. But six more alleged victims - and perhaps more - have stepped forward, all of them making the exact same claims made just one week ago by the dancers who sued Lizzo for sexual harassment, fat shaming and creating a hostile work environment.  Also just one week ago? Stars as varied as Li'l Nas X, Jamie Lynn Spears, Kelly Osborne, Jennifer Garner, Jameela Jamil and drag performer Kahanna Montrese expressed their unwavering support for Lizzo, the latter exclaiming on Twitter, "Lizzo created one of the most uplifting shows I've ever been a part of. Please don't let this define you, Lizzo!" But has it already? Will it be so easy to forget the charge that Lizzo purportedly ordered her dancers to eat a banana protruding from a stripper's vagina? Or reportedly forbad the dancers from taking bathroom breaks during a torturous, hours-long "re-audition?" And will it be so easy